lieutenantantichrist | [23] Video/Action for Goldenrod

[Listen up. It's time for a message from the President.

You could call it the look of the cat who ate the canary, or you could call it plain smug. That's what's on Blake's face as he reclines behind a big, fancy desk in his headquarters.

(If the big, fancy desk happened to be bought cheap because it has a short leg currently propped up by the local yellow pages, who's to know?)]

So maybe you all noticed that idiot in the welding mask got his ass kicked right out of his little island tax shelter. You know whose boot did the kicking?

That's right. Yours truly.

[He spreads his arms and leans his chair back with a creak.] I'd call that all the inauguration I need.

[There's a big old American flag hanging on the wall behind him. Anybody looking close might notice that it's handmade, with slightly uneven stripes and what may be a couple missing stars. When's the last time anybody gave a fuck about Nebraska, anyway?]

Now, it just so happens I'm in a real good mood. So, if you got grievances, ideas, petitions, or you just want to say thank you, now's the time to bring it up. You got a chance to fuckin' have a say in the government.

[The flag is slightly crooked. A little Snubbull climbs up on the desk to straighten it out.]

My door's open.

[Maybe that's how the ice cream monster thing got in.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can, and I have. I took out a train, destroyed a bridge and a enemy mech, several other mecha and soldiers, and defeated the equivalent of a god with only my Gunblade. No magic involved.

[She's just that awesome.]

Teleportation magic just made it easier to get to him.

[Obnoxiously patiently] Sure you did. What video game was that in?

Besides, you can have a gun or you can have a sword. Not both. You'd cut your hand off and shoot your eye out at the same time.

Video... game? [What the hell are you talking about Blake?] I'm a trained soldier.

Then clearly your world doesn't have the technology were you can have both yet. Pity.

Edited 2015-06-24 22:02 (UTC)

[Blake casts a disbelieving eye at as much of her as he can see on the screen.] Come on. You're maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet. You couldn't even hold up a rifle.

[He grunts.] A soldier who fights God. I think I've seen pamphlets about that.

A gun sword doesn't even make sense. How the hell is that any better than a regular old gun?

[He is totally not jealous of that idea.]

Let me prove you wrong. [She whistles and two Pokémon show up. She hands the Gear to an Ampharos and moves away so there'd be more space for her to show off. A Meganium comes up next and looks confused.] Meganium is 221 pounds.

[Before Enki can react, Lightning kneels down and lifts the now even more confused Pokémon off of the ground, making it look rather easy.] A rifle is a feather compared to Enki.

[Enki squeaks when she puts him down and pats his head.] I think I'd rather fight a god than be known as the Antichrist.

If you actually saw one, it'd make more sense.

[Blake goes from about to protest to totally shut up in about 2 seconds.

And it lasts for a good 10.]

Holy shit. Come on. That's not physically fuckin' possible. Where the hell are you hiding the muscle?

What? Never met someone toned? You don't need big muscles to be strong.

[She could easily bench you, Blake.]

You need muscles to lift a fuckin' brontosaurus.

[He gives her a sidelong look.]

That's one of those tricks, isn't it. Camera angles and wires.

What? Intimidated by a girl who can out-lift you?

[Of course he'll try and disprove her.]

I can get my sister to disprove that if you're really that anal about it.

Your sister doesn't count as a judge. Bias.

Like hell you can outlift me.

[Now she's got his ire up. He looks around for something to pick up, and his eyes alight on the Arcanine chewing on an old bowling pin.]

Hooch! Get over here! [Blake tosses a smug glance at the screen as the Arcanine hops to his feet.] Now I'll show you who--

[The Arcanine happens to have interpreted Get over here as Come play, and also to interpret play as tackle bodily]

Holy fuck!

[That's all Blake gets out before a giant orange furball knocks him right out of the chair with a crash.]

[That.... went better than expected. Hilarious even. If she were the type to laugh out loud, it would happen now. But no. She just smirks.]

I should leave you two alone.

[That giant puppy didn't seem to want to stop anytime soon.]

Hold still, goddamn it! I gotta lift you!

[Lick you? Hooch can do that!

The only thing visible on the screen is a pile of orange and some flailing limbs.]

[Guess who is recording this for posterity.

It's like Christmas in summer. If only this would get more hilarious.]

[Would a giant ice cream monster coming in to help qualify as more hilarious? From the sound of Blake's swearing, his opinion is no.]

[She's biting her lip even harder not to laugh. Guess who will show this to everyone if you don't behave?]

[A hand grips the desk. What eventually emerges is a man covered in dog slobber and ice cream, with his hair licked to the side. He's out of breath, and his voice is a growl.]

You shut up.

[Though she isn't saying anything at the moment. He knows she's thinking it.]

[She snorts and smirks.]

I got what I needed.

[She already knows who will get a big laugh out of this. With that she turns her Gear off.]

[23] Video/Action for Goldenrod - "ROCK, FLAG, and EAGLE."

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