[12]Video/Action Olivine-"If I Had to Write an Article About You, It Would Say You're Very Negative"

[lieutenantantichrist]

[ETA: Entries are now closed! Read and vote here!]

[WRITING CONTEST]



[All Blake wanted was a paper.

Sure, they're mostly stupid crap and the headline puns are even worse than at home, but there's something right and normal about heading out to the little newsstand in the morning to pick one up.

He's gotten to know the guy who works there a little. Decent enough guy, almost normal. Chatty, though. Today Blake's not paying much attention as he fishes change out of his pocket and goes uh-huh, yeah, sure, until all of a sudden he hears, "Oh, wow, you will? Thanks! That helps me a lot!"

Ten minutes later, he's gotten a firm handshake, a bunch of paper, and a dawning idea of what he just got himself into.

Shit. Just doing the damn thing is the fastest way to get these people to leave him the hell alone.

That's why, a couple hours later, you might come across Blake or one of his Pokemon going around town stapling up flyers about a little local contest. (He went and made the things, and the guy from the paper went "Oh" and went over them with a black pen real quick.) It will be the most sullen stapling you've ever seen.]

[VIDEO]

Hey. All of you.

[Blake's out on the main street of Olivine, in the shade of a building.]

I got roped into running some kinda contest bullshit. Something about making up stories or other crap. You make shit up, you send it to PO Box 226, they put it in the paper, people vote, you win shit.

[He waves a flyer at the camera.]

Fuckin' voila. So do it. [He perks up a little.] Or don't. Hell, that way I don't have to deal with it.

Here.







If you got any questions, don't fuckin' ask me.

[OOC: The writing contest has officially begun! Entries go here, and more information, including specifically how the special guest prizes work, is here. The Nurse Joy sprite was made by L-mon at DeviantArt. Happy writing!]

Comments

[video]

[captainash]

What if I want to know how you got saddled with this little duty? Isn't that a question you can answer better than anyone else?

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Long story short, never fuckin' nod at these people. You think thy're talking about the weather or some shit, then the next second they're going "Wow thanks for helping!"

Do I look like I wanna help? Do I got some kinda sign over my head that says Outsource Me Your Goddamn Publicity Stunts?

[video]

[captainash]

Perhaps they felt you radiated competence and writing contest experience? ...Or maybe they were forced into it too, and got the bright idea to delegate further at the first opportunity.

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Hah, kicking it down the curb. That's the best explanation yet.

[He waves the flyer.]

How about it? Feeling literary?

[video]

[captainash]

On the one hand, it would give me something to do beyond training. On the other hand, I haven't written anything that was not a formal report since high school. Think I have a chance to win with dry, rusty prose?

[video]

[enjoymyatelier]

...I would address this whole thing, but first, I believe I need to ask...

What even was that?

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

I thought it was pretty fuckin' clear. But don't look at me. I'm the patsy here.

You gonna write a story or not?

[video]

[enjoymyatelier]

No, that much was clear... and I may consider it, I'm not entirely sure.

That wasn't what I was talking about, though --- I was talking about that thing you sent me. Is that really it?

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Do it or don't, somehow I get the feeling it'll end up a pain in my ass either way.

[It takes Blake a second to catch on. Then he remembers the DVD set he dropped in the mail and cackles.]

It sounds like you stopped believing!

[video]

[enjoymyatelier]

[...how dare you act like you have one up on him first of all, he is going to address both of those

Be sure to keep a dictionary handy on the off chance that I do.

And yes! Yes, I did! That was the worst ending since Raskolnikov miraculously found Jesus because!

video;

[lullabytes]

...A lot of things on those fliers seem to be blacked out...

video;

[lieutenantantichrist]

If they wanted fuckin' Miss Manners to write this shit, that's who they shoulda asked. Instead they had me write the whole damn thing up, and then marked it up and made a bunch of gasping noises like they were shocked by a couple words. What is this, Amish country?

video;

[lullabytes]

...I don't think they edited it really thoroughly, though...you can still tell what you were going to say. I think.

[ Mostly. ]

video;

[lieutenantantichrist]

It's nothing anybody doesn't know already. You wouldn't believe some of the shit I've been called by ten-year-olds.

Nobody's gonna do this thing anyway. They have other shit to do. Purple rats to throw rocks at.

video;

[lullabytes]

...What are you doing to ten-year-olds that they call you names...?

[ She focuses on the important things in life. ]

video;

[superordinary]

...How did you get roped into this?

video;

[lieutenantantichrist]

Turns out people around here take nodding and going "uh-huh" real seriously. Then they look like you stomped on their damn puppy if you try to say no.

video;

[superordinary]

Couldn't they find someone who actually wants to do this? I mean, you called it, um, bullshit.

video;

[lieutenantantichrist]

You'd think so, right? That didn't even put them off.

[His mouth twists into a scowl.] The guy called me colorful.

video;

[superordinary]

...Because of your language? There's a lot of censored words on that flyer.

[Video]

[foolishwren]

... Okay.

What did you do?

Hit on the wrong Jenny?

Step on some important newspaper exec's Clefairy?

[Video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Hey, what do you take me for? I'd never hit on one of these cops.

[He lowers his voice and leans conspiratorially toward the screen.] I'd never be able to tell which is which. That'd get awkward fast.

[His voice goes back to normal.] I tried to buy a newspaper is what I did. These people act like we're all here to do things for them they could damn well do themselves.

Anyway, how've you been? [He leaves out the since I had a weird dream about you stabbing the shit out of a monster part.]

[Video]

[foolishwren]

_{[She snorts. BECAUSE HEY, IT'S TRUE. Damned if she can tell the difference between the cops here.]}

Been all right.

Just doing my thing.

_{[Y'KNOW. STABBIN' MONSTERS. SAVIN' ASSES.]}

[Video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Keeping out of trouble?

[Heather's a decent kid, so he can admit this] Honestly, I can't bitch too much about this contest thing. It's something to do around here. All my animals are so tough now they eat the local shit for breakfast.

Hell, you've been here for what, years now? Your monsters must be gnawing through sheet rock and spitting diamonds.

[Video]

[foolishwren]

Aw, you know me. I always keep out of trouble. _{[A few hours ago she lifted three Hyper Potions from the local mart without anyone noticing. Not getting caught counts as staying out of trouble, right?]}

... As for my monsters, uh...

_{[She looks over her shoulder at where Cujo is flopped next to her bed. Lying there and absently licking the floor isn't quite gnawing through rock and spitting diamonds, but...]}

... Close enough, I guess. But there's always ways for this place to surprise.