Lt. Carter Blake (
lieutenantantichrist) wrote2013-05-31 01:14 am
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[6] Action for Violet/Everywhere [Fourth Wall Event]
[Blake is in his apartment minding his own business when there's a flash of light.]
When it fades, nothing seems different for a minute. All's normal and as it should be, everything in its place. After a second, it sinks in. There's something that's been out of place for months, and all of a sudden the feeling of nakedness is gone.]
[He pats his side, and there's the good, reassuring weight of his gun, right where it should be. He takes it out to give it a look over, and it's exactly as he remembers it. He puts it back and feels more himself than he has since he got to this damn place.]
[That's when he notices there's a lot of strange noises outside.]
[Blake opens the door and steps out.]
[He takes a good look at around.]
[He thinks it over.]
Nope.
[He turns around to go back inside.]
When it fades, nothing seems different for a minute. All's normal and as it should be, everything in its place. After a second, it sinks in. There's something that's been out of place for months, and all of a sudden the feeling of nakedness is gone.]
[He pats his side, and there's the good, reassuring weight of his gun, right where it should be. He takes it out to give it a look over, and it's exactly as he remembers it. He puts it back and feels more himself than he has since he got to this damn place.]
[That's when he notices there's a lot of strange noises outside.]
[Blake opens the door and steps out.]
[He takes a good look at around.]
[He thinks it over.]
Nope.
[He turns around to go back inside.]
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[Blake nudges it with his foot. That's a bad idea. The solidity of it makes a spark of panic flash through his system. He fights it down with good old anger and denial.]
I don't know how you're doing this but it isn't funny.
[The voice is still a pissy teenage girl's. That's something to hold onto. That's what she really is. Just don't look at the hoof.]
Whatever you're selling, I don't want any.
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I'm selling cold hard proof, darling! [ She stands triumphant in the threshold, panting for breath. ]
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No. No no no. Not happening.
[There's no looking away. It's in his god damn doorway.]
[Blake backs off and draws up in the classic Unicorn! Uuuuunicorn! pose.]
[His eyes are rimmed with white, but he forces his voice steady and sane.]
The world may be a crock of shit, but there's things I know for sure: the sky is blue, the Mets suck, and there's no such fucking thing as unicorns.
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[Blake looks away. He looks back.]
...horse breath.
[Still there. Still glaring. Still horn.]
[Blake's head is shaking back and forth without his conscious will.]
I'm done.
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[ She offers a hoof, ever the picture of formality even in hostile situations. ]
Then allow me to introduce myself. Rarity, the previously-former-and-now-once-again-current unicorn.
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[The thing's still there, no matter how much he looks at it or doesn't. The leg is solid and furry, ending in a dainty hoof. He shakes it very, very gingerly, then lets it drop.]
Nice to meet you.
I've lost my fucking mind.
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[Okay. He can't handle this. Just don't scream or gibber or anything stupid. Just don't think about it too much.]
Now. Assuming you're real- [holds up his hand] - and I'm not saying you are - aren't you things only supposed to show up around virgins?
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Not quite sure what you mean by that, but we're not exactly rare in Equestria. Why, we're about a third of the population, I'd expect! The pony population, anyway. I'm not counting diamond dogs, zebras, and griffons in the mix.
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What I'm saying is you're neighing up the wrong tree here.
[His expression slips a little. Calm is something he's holding onto very tenuously] Yeah. Can't leave those out.
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But goodness, I'm not here to pass judgement on you for crimes! I don't care in the least about any of that. I just wanted to show you that I'm REAL!
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[Blake may be rambling just a little.]
I mean, they're supposed to hang around children and shit. Nice people.
[Blake's one of the good guys, but he knows he's nowhere approaching nice.]
[He rocks back on his heels, trying to keep his balance.]
Horses have attorneys?
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And oh yes, of course we do. How do you think we get by when one of us gets in a spot of legal trouble? [ This makes perfect sense, Blake. What about this does not make perfect sense, hmm? ]
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[shakily] I don't need any lessons from magic horsies.
[he swallows] You go to horse court. When you get horse...sued.
[His eyes widen with just a touch of held-back mania]
The problem with the juries is nobody every votes 'aye'!
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[Blake falls back right where there happens to be a chair. He's staring at the wall.]
Got a whole hose society, huh. Horsciety.
Horse jail. Horse police. Horse whores on heroin, but what do they call it?
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[And now a couple hoof-shaped indentations.]
[dizzily] Glasses...are up in the cabinet. Horse can't reach.
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[ And returns with a glass of water. ] Here. Drink this.
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[He reaches blindly for the glass in his peripheral vision. He gets the feeling looking straight at how the horse is carrying it would be a bad idea.]
[Blake glugs it down. Too bad it's just water. He could use something a lot stronger. He'd worry about there being anything funny in it if he weren't halfway to the farm already. Can't exactly get worse.]
[He sets the empty glass down on the nearest horizontal surface. Turns out to by the horse's back.]
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Levitation, dear. Unicorn magic. Are you feeling any better? Is there something else I can get you?
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Unicorn magic isn't gonna help.
[He's been looking steadfastly at a nice, reliable spot on the wall. Slowly, carefully, he lets his eyes slide over. Purple tail. Two legs. Four legs. Purple mane. Head. Big blue eyes, eyelashes. Horn.]
[Very cautiously, he tries reaching out to touch her head. Just to see if it'll really be there,]
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Satisfied?
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Huh.
Kinda furry.
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