lieutenantantichrist | [6] Action for Violet/Everywhere [Fourth Wall Event]

[6] Action for Violet/Everywhere [Fourth Wall Event]

[Blake is in his apartment minding his own business when there's a flash of light.]

When it fades, nothing seems different for a minute. All's normal and as it should be, everything in its place. After a second, it sinks in. There's something that's been out of place for months, and all of a sudden the feeling of nakedness is gone.]

[He pats his side, and there's the good, reassuring weight of his gun, right where it should be. He takes it out to give it a look over, and it's exactly as he remembers it. He puts it back and feels more himself than he has since he got to this damn place.]

[That's when he notices there's a lot of strange noises outside.]

[Blake opens the door and steps out.]

[He takes a good look at around.]

[He thinks it over.]

Nope.

[He turns around to go back inside.]

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[Blake's just going to look at the floor for a while. Nice, reliable carpet. Same old stains.]

[And now a couple hoof-shaped indentations.]

[dizzily] Glasses...are up in the cabinet. Horse can't reach.

[ She cries out from the kitchen in a sing-song voice: ] Levitation!!

[ And returns with a glass of water. ] Here. Drink this.

[Blake half-hears.] The Bible's got nothing to do with this.

[He reaches blindly for the glass in his peripheral vision. He gets the feeling looking straight at how the horse is carrying it would be a bad idea.]

[Blake glugs it down. Too bad it's just water. He could use something a lot stronger. He'd worry about there being anything funny in it if he weren't halfway to the farm already. Can't exactly get worse.]

[He sets the empty glass down on the nearest horizontal surface. Turns out to by the horse's back.]

[ Rarity flips the empty glass off her back and catches it with her magic, then sets it down on the floor. ]

Levitation, dear. Unicorn magic. Are you feeling any better? Is there something else I can get you?

[Blake does his very, very best not to see that.]

Unicorn magic isn't gonna help.

[He's been looking steadfastly at a nice, reliable spot on the wall. Slowly, carefully, he lets his eyes slide over. Purple tail. Two legs. Four legs. Purple mane. Head. Big blue eyes, eyelashes. Horn.]

[Very cautiously, he tries reaching out to touch her head. Just to see if it'll really be there,]

[ Rarity lets him, frowning a little bit. This isn't exactly ladylike to allow this, but she wants him to accept that she is a graceful unicorn. ]

Satisfied?

[His fingers are resting on something solid. It doesn't shock or burn him. Blake has a very coherent, intelligent conclusion.]

Huh.

Kinda furry.

An astute observation. [ Drily. ] I'll have you know that fur takes a lot of work to be as soft as it is.

[Blake's eyes have a very carefully balanced distance to them] Astute. You get that from a horse word of the day calendar?

Sure. Must be expensive conditioner.

[Okay. Gonna try it. What's the worst that can happen?]

[Blake taps very lightly on the horn with his fingernails.]

Ahh! Be careful! [ She shies away from Blake's fingers and glares at him. ] I am a graceful unicorn, not a common zoo animal!

Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[He sounds more distant than remorseful. It didn't feel like plastic. More like ivory or something.]

So....

You grant wishes?

... beg pardon? No. I design fashion, I spend time with my friends, and I indulge my sister Sweetie Belle when she's staying over, but I do not grant wishes. You must have me confused with a genie.

Magic things. What's the difference?

You have a sister. There's families of you things.

[Each mundane detail makes it more bizarre.]

I object fiercely to you calling ponies things! Would you like it if I called YOU an "ape"?

I've gotten called that one a few times. Pig's a lot more common, though. Oh, and once, "lice out of Satan's ass hair." That guy was pretty creative.

Well, none of them are accurate or even befitting a man of your stature, no matter how rude or invasive! You are a man, and deserve to be called one!

My stature, huh.

[Blake leans back, mind working slowly but surely. The rude and invasive part slides right past.]

[His ego is the right thing to appeal to.]

I kinda like the sound of that.

Horse or not, you've got some decent judgment.

I should think so! I try to stay very in touch with the dialogue of the times! Still, you have a little ways to go before I'd considered you a gentleman, just yet. [ She looks a little disdainfully at him. ]

Yeah. Can't have a magic horse out of date. That'd just be weird.

Hah. I wouldn't wanna be a gentleman. Stuck up pricks who never get their own hands dirty. No thanks.

[Blake is working class and proud.]

Oh, well, anyone can be a gentleman if they try hard enough. It's not about not working - it's about being polite in the presence of a lady.

I'm plenty polite.

[An unsettling thought occurs to him] Hell, am I supposed to be shaking hands with all the horses around here now? How about the ones on fire? Are they talking to each other when people aren't looking?

Ah, well... I wouldn't know, dear. I expect you'd have to speak to Fluttershy about that! No, I'm only familiar with the comings and goings of us ponies, of which there are a fair few in this world, I daresay!

Don't all you horses talk? Have, I don't know, horse tea parties or something?

[Come to think of it, there's something Blake has never been able to ask. You're supposed to just know. There won't be any better time than now.]

Hey.

What's the difference between a horse and a pony, anyway?

You misunderstand, Blake. Horses are the equines that you humans are familiar with. Ponies are the much more sophisticated and domestic society-oriented beings that comprise myself, my friends, and the rest of my species! All animals are not created equal, you know! ... At least in terms of communication. [ She hastily adds that last bit lest the ghost of Fluttershy get annoyed. ]

Hey, there's such thing as ponies back in the real world, too. They don't talk, though. They're just...little horses. You see em in petting zoos.

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artofthestress - 2013-08-25 02:38 (UTC) - Expand

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lieutenantantichrist - 2013-08-25 04:26 (UTC) - Expand

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