Lt. Carter Blake (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lieutenantantichrist) wrote2016-04-16 04:41 pm
lieutenantantichrist) wrote2016-04-16 04:41 pm
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[30] [Video] "I Don't Know How Many Years I Got Left. I'm Going to Get Real Weird With It."
[Blake comes up on screen looking contemplative. It's an unusual look on him.]
Fifty. Five-oh. That's when you get the senior discount at Ben and Jerry's. That's when the numbers come out and say, "Hey, you. You are officially counted as old."
You know what the funny thing is? I never thought I'd get there. I would've bet you the farm that somebody with a name like Crowbar or Joey Butterfly would've gotten me first.
Butterfly like the kind of knife. Not the bug. Or maybe butterfly bandages. I don't know, I never asked the guy. Wonder if if somebody capped him yet.
It's been a while now since I've been back. Years. Lots of things can change. I might not recognize the place. Hell, plenty of people wouldn't recognize me.
[He won't let his face get too maudlin. It gives you wrinkles.]
I'd be bringing plenty back. Same as the rest of you, must be. The people you meet, the things you do... You don't spend a couple years bashing trees with faces out of the road without changing some.
Anyway.
Point is, I'm an old man now, and that means I'm wise. I've been through just about every variety of shit you can imagine, and I'm one of the handful of people around here who's ever jumped a car, fixed a leaky faucet, or cleaned out a rain gutter.
[He spreads his hands.]
So any kind of advice you need - all the shit you ever wanted to know about life but were afraid to ask - now's the time. Shoot.
Fifty. Five-oh. That's when you get the senior discount at Ben and Jerry's. That's when the numbers come out and say, "Hey, you. You are officially counted as old."
You know what the funny thing is? I never thought I'd get there. I would've bet you the farm that somebody with a name like Crowbar or Joey Butterfly would've gotten me first.
Butterfly like the kind of knife. Not the bug. Or maybe butterfly bandages. I don't know, I never asked the guy. Wonder if if somebody capped him yet.
It's been a while now since I've been back. Years. Lots of things can change. I might not recognize the place. Hell, plenty of people wouldn't recognize me.
[He won't let his face get too maudlin. It gives you wrinkles.]
I'd be bringing plenty back. Same as the rest of you, must be. The people you meet, the things you do... You don't spend a couple years bashing trees with faces out of the road without changing some.
Anyway.
Point is, I'm an old man now, and that means I'm wise. I've been through just about every variety of shit you can imagine, and I'm one of the handful of people around here who's ever jumped a car, fixed a leaky faucet, or cleaned out a rain gutter.
[He spreads his hands.]
So any kind of advice you need - all the shit you ever wanted to know about life but were afraid to ask - now's the time. Shoot.
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[It's okay, Blake. He'll keep your softie side a secret.]
... Milestones are something to be celebrated. It means you fought enough to survive long enough to get there.
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[He damn well better. That's the kind of thing that can wreck you if it gets out, a lot more so than going overboard sometimes.
Blake's gonna go ahead and open that box up. You don't need a dog's nose to know it smells good.]
...I like that way of looking at it.
[From what the kid has said before, he knows what he's talking about when it comes to surviving.]
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Yeah.
[Not going to mention that it's not super likely he'll get that old. He's supposed to be bringing the happy today, dammit.]
Did your department do birthday parties, or was that just not really a thing for you guys?
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Being at that mature age when you are no longer legally required to give a fuck, Blake talks with his mouth full.]
Eh, sometimes we'd go out to bars after work, for the guys who made a deal out of it. Me, I kept it to myself. I didn't want anybody giving me crap about, "That old, and you haven't gotten married again yet?"
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[Middle school kids were bad, he's pretty sure high school kids could be worse. Booberry makes a sound, and Tobias smiles slightly and nods. She glides over to the counter and lands on it, and Tobias hands her a slice, grabbing one for himself.]
I never really saw the appeal of going out to drink, but I know some people who did.
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Good. You were underage, and wasting time giving kids shit for that petty crap is a pain in the ass.
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[... Never mind.]
Yeah, I uh... saw what sort of stuff that drinking could do and I went 'no thanks'. I get that there's people who can keep it under control, but there's a lot of people who can't. And I don't exactly have a track record of the best decisions, anyway.
[- he shouldn't have said that. He tenses, and Booberry looks up at him, making a vaguely distressed sound.]
... Anyway. Yeah. You take things at your own pace. If you don't want to get married, try not to let them get to you. Better to not have to deal with a messy divorce afterwards, right?
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[His face shifts into the unmistakable configuration of the Older, Wiser Authority Figure Who Knows What's Best as he gestures at Tobias with his half-eaten pizza slice.] That's right. For all the crazy-ass drugs out there, nine times out of ten when you've got some idiot bashing in windshields with a bat, he's just good old-fashioned drunk.
[Blake catches an odd look on the kid's face for a second, but it's gone quick.] Doing stupid things is part of being a teenager. It's in the manual.
[He concentrates on the pizza and says offhandedly,] No kidding. Once is plenty.
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[That explains a few things.]
And yeah I know that stupid things is part of being a teenager. That's part of why my friends and I used to sit on the fence to watch concerts. They used to do them down by the beach a lot. No one cared that a few seagulls didn't have tickets. We also broke a bird out of a cage while they were in the middle of filming a commercial, and then Rachel stomped a bunch of cars flat before we got out of there.
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Hah, that's one way to use turning into a bird. Go where you want, steal people's chips, crap on what you feel like.
...wait. Why there a birdcage?
[He chews contemplatively as he replays the last sentence in his head, and his eyebrows jump.]
Your friend did what?
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[He huffs a little in amusement at Blake's surprise.]
So there was this car salesmen who used a red-tailed hawk in his ads. He was stupid... anyway, I watched the code they put in and let her out.
And Rachel's favorite morphs are grizzly bear... and elephant. I think you can figure out which she used that day. ... That was a while ago. Huh. Almost three years?
[He grabs a slice and chews on it thoughtfully.]
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That's a lousy idea for a car commercial. He should've gone for a lady in a bikini. Those you have to pay, but they always work.
[He tilts his head and considers it.] Your friend turned into an elephant and stepped on some cars because a guy was a dick to a bird.
[A laugh breaks out of him, sudden and sharp.] That'll put all the other animal rights types to shame.
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[Grump grump grump. But Blake's assessment makes him grin a bit.]
Yeah. We didn't tell Cassie. We got a lot of morphs from her barn which doubled as a veterinary clinic. Out of all of us, she was the most... kind, I guess? The least willing to compromise morals or hurt anyone. Which isn't a bad thing... I mean she fought when she had to, but we all needed someone to pull us back towards decent human morality sometimes.
[... He did not intend to talk about this. Booberry lets out a 'Gli!' and Tobias grabs her another slice. It's hard when you don't have thumbs.]
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[Steve gnaws on her crust contentedly.]
My precinct didn't have a lot of people like that. [He laughs ruefully.] That worked good for me. Usually that was the type that pissed me off. Trying to hold me back, keep me from doing my job.
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But that doesn't matter as much when you're a hawk. They're prey. You're a predator. Nature's nasty. And I won't say I haven't killed anyone, directly or indirectly, but... it's good to have someone to remind you that you only do it if there's no other option.
[... It still doesn't bother him as much as it should, maybe. Is that bad? He has no idea.]
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Yeah, casual conversations over pizza end up like this sometimes. What are you gonna do.
Blake knows something about that mindset when instinct takes over, and the only thing that matters is taking care of the threat.]
Doesn't sound so bad when you put it that way. A friend like that.
I guess I got one too, now.
[He looks over at the source of a strange shift in his morality. She's licking tomato sauce off her claw.]
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... Sorry. I didn't mean to get all depressing, especially on your birthday.
[He'll just. Eat his damn pizza now.]
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[Probably. If you don't give yourself a damn heart attack, Blake.]
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