[30] [Video] "I Don't Know How Many Years I Got Left. I'm Going to Get Real Weird With It."

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake comes up on screen looking contemplative. It's an unusual look on him.]

Fifty. Five-oh. That's when you get the senior discount at Ben and Jerry's. That's when the numbers come out and say, "Hey, you. You are officially counted as old."

You know what the funny thing is? I never thought I'd get there. I would've bet you the farm that somebody with a name like Crowbar or Joey Butterfly would've gotten me first.

Butterfly like the kind of knife. Not the bug. Or maybe butterfly bandages. I don't know, I never asked the guy. Wonder if if somebody capped him yet.

It's been a while now since I've been back. Years. Lots of things can change. I might not recognize the place. Hell, plenty of people wouldn't recognize me.

[He won't let his face get too maudlin. It gives you wrinkles.]

I'd be bringing plenty back. Same as the rest of you, must be. The people you meet, the things you do... You don't spend a couple years bashing trees with faces out of the road without changing some.

Anyway.

Point is, I'm an old man now, and that means I'm wise. I've been through just about every variety of shit you can imagine, and I'm one of the handful of people around here who's ever jumped a car, fixed a leaky faucet, or cleaned out a rain gutter.

[He spreads his hands.]

So any kind of advice you need - all the shit you ever wanted to know about life but were afraid to ask - now's the time. Shoot.

Comments

[wing_attack]

It's kind of a matter of principle. They don't really work to get their own food, that's the problem. I mean sure, if there's nothing else around... but it's not like there's not rodents around at the beach. But no, they have to steal pizza or Cheetos off of tourists.

[Grump grump grump. But Blake's assessment makes him grin a bit.]

Yeah. We didn't tell Cassie. We got a lot of morphs from her barn which doubled as a veterinary clinic. Out of all of us, she was the most... kind, I guess? The least willing to compromise morals or hurt anyone. Which isn't a bad thing... I mean she fought when she had to, but we all needed someone to pull us back towards decent human morality sometimes.

[... He did not intend to talk about this. Booberry lets out a 'Gli!' and Tobias grabs her another slice. It's hard when you don't have thumbs.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

That's part of being a thief. Plenty of them don't even need to do it. It's just fun to get away with.

[Steve gnaws on her crust contentedly.]

My precinct didn't have a lot of people like that. [He laughs ruefully.] That worked good for me. Usually that was the type that pissed me off. Trying to hold me back, keep me from doing my job.

[wing_attack]

I guess? And as for holding you back... I dunno how it works in police work, but turning into animals a lot kind of messes with your sense of human morality. You get the animal's instincts and you stop thinking about the fuzzy grey morality. Like... sure, you could stop these aliens from infesting other people by killing the hosts, but then you're killing people.

But that doesn't matter as much when you're a hawk. They're prey. You're a predator. Nature's nasty. And I won't say I haven't killed anyone, directly or indirectly, but... it's good to have someone to remind you that you only do it if there's no other option.

[... It still doesn't bother him as much as it should, maybe. Is that bad? He has no idea.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[He's young to have killed somebody. But like he keeps saying, he was a soldier, and none of the adults in his world were doing their job.

Yeah, casual conversations over pizza end up like this sometimes. What are you gonna do.

Blake knows something about that mindset when instinct takes over, and the only thing that matters is taking care of the threat.]

Doesn't sound so bad when you put it that way. A friend like that.

I guess I got one too, now.

[He looks over at the source of a strange shift in his morality. She's licking tomato sauce off her claw.]

[wing_attack]

[He looks down at his piece of pizza.]

... Sorry. I didn't mean to get all depressing, especially on your birthday.

[He'll just. Eat his damn pizza now.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[That just makes Blake laugh.] Nah, 5's exactly the age where depressing's what it's supposed to be.

[wing_attack]

Why? You've still got a lot of years left.

[Probably. If you don't give yourself a damn heart attack, Blake.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Maybe, if I stick around here. I might even live long enough to retire. If you can even officially retire from going around getting in magic animal fights.

[wing_attack]

I dunno, I've seen some pretty old Trainers around. But they've probably got tricks of their own.