lieutenantantichrist | [30] [Video] "I Don't Know How Many Years I Got Left. I'm Going to Get Real Weird With It."

[Blake comes up on screen looking contemplative. It's an unusual look on him.]

Fifty. Five-oh. That's when you get the senior discount at Ben and Jerry's. That's when the numbers come out and say, "Hey, you. You are officially counted as old."

You know what the funny thing is? I never thought I'd get there. I would've bet you the farm that somebody with a name like Crowbar or Joey Butterfly would've gotten me first.

Butterfly like the kind of knife. Not the bug. Or maybe butterfly bandages. I don't know, I never asked the guy. Wonder if if somebody capped him yet.

It's been a while now since I've been back. Years. Lots of things can change. I might not recognize the place. Hell, plenty of people wouldn't recognize me.

[He won't let his face get too maudlin. It gives you wrinkles.]

I'd be bringing plenty back. Same as the rest of you, must be. The people you meet, the things you do... You don't spend a couple years bashing trees with faces out of the road without changing some.

Anyway.

Point is, I'm an old man now, and that means I'm wise. I've been through just about every variety of shit you can imagine, and I'm one of the handful of people around here who's ever jumped a car, fixed a leaky faucet, or cleaned out a rain gutter.

[He spreads his hands.]

So any kind of advice you need - all the shit you ever wanted to know about life but were afraid to ask - now's the time. Shoot.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hardly an old man.

Simply one well aged and well traveled in life.

[Blake perks up and straightens his shirt.]

I like that way of putting it. Makes it sound more like wine, or one of those fancy cheeses.

Perhaps it's different, in the world you come from, but age is considered a mark of experience and health, in men. A man isn't 'old' until he's gray and in a chair.

And trust me. I know old men. You aren't even close.

[Don't make him preen, Lust, it's a weird sight.] There's some of that in my line of work. Old bastards only get that way by being good enough not to get shot when they're young bastards.

I don't plan on being in a chair anytime soon. I never wanted a desk job.

[He laughs slightly.] Lady, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. But hell, I shouldn't worry. The devil doesn't get old, right?

I believe it's the same theory.

No, a desk job wouldn't suit you. And you're hardly the devil. I've known the devil. Smells far worse, drinks a ridiculous amount of tea, is overly fond of lace.

...the same can be said of old men in general, I suppose. They never smelled pleasant and they do like their tea....

You must come from rough territory, if that's how civilians think too.

Yeah, I'd rather be on the streets, getting shit done.

[It takes a minute for the other part to sink in.] The...devil, huh. That doesn't sound like most descriptions I've heard.

Tea's for old ladies and the British.

[And Blake smells fine.]

The country I was raised in is a militaristic one.

You haven't known the devil personally. I have. Or as close to exists a devil in reality.

You mean a real bad guy you're getting poetic about, or you mean the devil devil?

[You can never really tell in this place.]

A bit of both, I suppose. I don't believe in the devil of the faith my name was taken from, but my former master made a theme of it and she was...to put it quite bluntly, she was pure evil.

Seems like I've run into a lot of people lately who got stuck dealing with evil ladies. [A word sinks in, and a wave of confused anger passes over his face.] Your master?

I suppose the wicked old stepmother cliche exists for a reason.

I have a rather complicated and unpleasant past.

[Blake reaches for some graceful, appropriate way to express sympathy for what she's been through. He produces a deeply felt,] Shit.

I hope you kicked the devil's ass on your way out.

It's all in the past. It seems to bother others more than it bothers me.

I never had the chance. But I'm sure someone did.

You weren't the only one who had it out for her, huh.

I don't believe in anything as easy as karma, but I gotta admit, there's times when thinking shit'll catch up to somebody sooner or later is the only way you can sleep at night.

She had many, many enemies. Well earned ones.

It's the way of things. There is a price for all things, taken at some point. A balance is maintained.

What was she, some kind of crime boss?

Sounds like you got the shitty end of that balance.

[That pisses Blake off. A lady like her shouldn't have to deal with that shit.]

Something like that. She was exceedingly powerful, had the government and the military in her pocket. She used countless people.

It's all in the past now.

[30] [Video] "I Don't Know How Many Years I Got Left. I'm Going to Get Real Weird With It."

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Re: Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video

Video