lieutenantantichrist | [23] Video/Action for Goldenrod

[Listen up. It's time for a message from the President.

You could call it the look of the cat who ate the canary, or you could call it plain smug. That's what's on Blake's face as he reclines behind a big, fancy desk in his headquarters.

(If the big, fancy desk happened to be bought cheap because it has a short leg currently propped up by the local yellow pages, who's to know?)]

So maybe you all noticed that idiot in the welding mask got his ass kicked right out of his little island tax shelter. You know whose boot did the kicking?

That's right. Yours truly.

[He spreads his arms and leans his chair back with a creak.] I'd call that all the inauguration I need.

[There's a big old American flag hanging on the wall behind him. Anybody looking close might notice that it's handmade, with slightly uneven stripes and what may be a couple missing stars. When's the last time anybody gave a fuck about Nebraska, anyway?]

Now, it just so happens I'm in a real good mood. So, if you got grievances, ideas, petitions, or you just want to say thank you, now's the time to bring it up. You got a chance to fuckin' have a say in the government.

[The flag is slightly crooked. A little Snubbull climbs up on the desk to straighten it out.]

My door's open.

[Maybe that's how the ice cream monster thing got in.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What's sewing a suit got to do with defense?

[Sorry, Blake, Ash is going to laugh for a moment.]

There's no sewing involved, I promise. Mobile suits are what we call humanoid machines in my world. Stronger and more versatile than fighter planes, and also much cooler.

[He gets a grousing look in return. It was a perfectly reasonable question.]

If you mean robot, fuckin' say robot.

And we don't have any. Do those even exist around here? The only big metal things on this island have a bad habit of having a mind of their own.

Of course they don't. But with proper funding, they could be invented, produced, used as deterrence against cat-stealing criminal idiots. How long do you think it'll take before the next loudmouth with a mask tries a grand gesture to cow civillians into giving up the good fight? Even a single unit would stop that plan dead in its tracks.

[Even a single unit would be enough to allow him to pilot again, which is nearly as important.]

[Shit. Now you've got Blake really thinking about it.]

Shit. Could you even do that? Whatever it is that fucks up knives and shit can't be so bad it turns all metal into shit, otherwise there wouldn't be any big buildings.

[Right, reality. Such as it is around here.]

But they don't even have cars, and a robot's a hell of a big step even from there. Gotta have the truck before you can have the Transformer.

I could build basic suits in high school, with the proper tools and equipment. If I had a factory and engineers...

[That's a very important point, though.]

They have airplanes, though. Their transportation technology can't be that primitive.

Come on, in high school all anybody can make is a bong out of an apple.

[But he can't shake off the idea. It's exciting, full of possibility, like putting together a strike force. And Ash has a point about planes.]

You'd have to track down some people with some skills. You'd need a whole damn agency.

No, really. We were an official extracurricular club, and we always ranked high in competitions.

[Except for that last year.]

But even the best school club wouldn't be as efficient as an average agency, that's true. Much less as talented as a specialized engineering team.

What, like the band?

[Blake's not sure he wants to know what teenager giant robot competitions look like. There's days when he thinks it was a plain stupid idea to let teenagers drive cars.

But whatever Ash did there, clearly he survived. Blake opens his hand generously.]

Tell you what. You find some engineers, I'll see what I can do.

Like the band, but with a bigger club room and more funding.

[Robot parts are expensive as hell, hence why he has to ask for funding.]

I'll do my best. Ideally I'd find ones from home, but anyone with some talent who can manage to stay here for more than a month would do.

Must have been a hell of a rich high school. Mine could barely handle getting enough desks.

[Blake leans back. Shit. He might actually be thinking about this.]

Put the word out for engineers and see if it's possible. I don't want some science project that's gonna fall apart in ten minutes.

Tordia was one of the nicer colonies, and it showed in every aspect. Except maybe security, for a while.

[Thank you for that, Zeheart.]

I'll look around for local factories, too. See if they have the necessary equipment and space to build and store even a single suit.

Hope that made up for naming it Tortilla.

[Yeah, this is shaping up into a plan.]

If you find a good one, go ahead and commandeer it in the name of the government. If they complain, I'll take care of it.

Oh, I can already promise you won't have any complaints to deal with. Hushed whispers, maybe, but not a single soul will dare speak up about it.

[For a moment he sounds... well. Like a pirate, and not the pleasant, funny kind.]

Hey, watch it. I don't need any conspiracies chewing on my ass just yet, either.

But hell, who'd be against giant robots?

[Besides commies or something.]

Against plain old vanilla mobile suits? Probably no one. Against armed mobile suits controlled by foreigners? We'll need a census of the whole local population, if you want a complete list.

[Hell, they might even need a Pokémon census for that one.]

Armed? [Blake's eyebrows jump up. He has a sudden, wild vision of being on top of a huge, unbeatable war machine. It's a pretty picture...but there's one little problem.] Buddy, around here you can't even keep a cheese knife sharp. How are you thinking you're gonna make giant assault rifles?

Hey, this world takes away ballistic and edged weaponry, but no one ever mentioned losing beam sabers or DODS rifles.

[Whether he could buy either of those here is completely irrelevant.]

And even if those are also forbidden, I doubt they'd take away heat shovels.

I am pretty sure nobody had light sabers to begin with. I'd've noticed.

[Blake's brows knit.]

Heat shovel? Now you're making shit up.

No, really, those are great for construction work. They can break down particularly large or dense pieces of debris, to make their removal easier. Every civilian construction model has one.

[A beat.]

They weren't made to beat up other units, and they're not the most resistant weapon, but they do the job in a pinch.

Yeah, sure, and if you get into trouble, you can use them to fight with Yoda. That sounds a lot more practical than a backhoe.

[Blake tries to figure that out.]

So it's a shovel that...gets hot?

That's exactly it. Well, only the tip is heated, but that's more than enough to do the job. Heat pickaxes are an option too but those might be too pointy for the locals' tastes.

[Then again, he's seen mountain climbers and hikers around. Maybe pickaxes would be acceptable after all?]

[23] Video/Action for Goldenrod - "ROCK, FLAG, and EAGLE."

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