lieutenantantichrist | [30] [Video] "I Don't Know How Many Years I Got Left. I'm Going to Get Real Weird With It."

[Blake comes up on screen looking contemplative. It's an unusual look on him.]

Fifty. Five-oh. That's when you get the senior discount at Ben and Jerry's. That's when the numbers come out and say, "Hey, you. You are officially counted as old."

You know what the funny thing is? I never thought I'd get there. I would've bet you the farm that somebody with a name like Crowbar or Joey Butterfly would've gotten me first.

Butterfly like the kind of knife. Not the bug. Or maybe butterfly bandages. I don't know, I never asked the guy. Wonder if if somebody capped him yet.

It's been a while now since I've been back. Years. Lots of things can change. I might not recognize the place. Hell, plenty of people wouldn't recognize me.

[He won't let his face get too maudlin. It gives you wrinkles.]

I'd be bringing plenty back. Same as the rest of you, must be. The people you meet, the things you do... You don't spend a couple years bashing trees with faces out of the road without changing some.

Anyway.

Point is, I'm an old man now, and that means I'm wise. I've been through just about every variety of shit you can imagine, and I'm one of the handful of people around here who's ever jumped a car, fixed a leaky faucet, or cleaned out a rain gutter.

[He spreads his hands.]

So any kind of advice you need - all the shit you ever wanted to know about life but were afraid to ask - now's the time. Shoot.

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[It's a dumb thing Blake doesn't care about. Yet, for some reason, he's proud of himself.] Hah. I guess I've picked up a couple things here.

What did you have, seniority? Your own corner office by Mario?

_{[At that, Ralph just rolls his eyes.]}

Like he'd be bothered to sit at a desk. But...somethin' like that. Ours is one of the oldest games in the arcade. Thirty years is a pretty good run for a video game. Of course we don't get so many quarter alerts these days, but there's always gonna be a handful of kids saddled with their big brother or sister with a few coins to spare.

Thirty years? Damn. You must be next to all the shit from back when I was a kid, tossing in quarters and killing time.

[He was so determined not to get all nostalgic today, like an old man.]

That's pretty old for a game. They must be all out there showing you up now with their fancy lights and 3D and whatever it is they do. Probably don't even respect how you paved the way.

Right? And they're so VIOLENT! What's wrong with kids today?

[Blake is warming up to the subject] I know! There was some kid who looked at my gun and went, "That's a SIG Sauer." Kid couldn't've been over nine. He knew it from some video game. Whatever happened to- [he waves his hand around, trying to dredge up the memories] -I don't know. Joust?

Or Tappers. I mean, okay, me throwin' a guy out a window every day is kinda violent, but he's always okay!

_{[Ralph hasn't thought about Gene in a long, long time. Man he hates that guy.]}

I remember Tapper! Used to play that in the bar. I was pretty good.

What were you throwing the guy out for, hogging the machine?

_{[Ralph shakes his head.]}

Nah, nah, that was back in my own game. I just visit Tapper's after closin' time. But this guy--he's a real piece of work. Real better-than-you kinda attitude. 'Course me throwin' him out the window's all in the script, but man if it doesn't feel good some days.