lieutenantantichrist: (I'm there like I always been)
Lt. Carter Blake ([personal profile] lieutenantantichrist) wrote2015-08-08 01:59 am

[24] Video/Action for Goldenrod - "Hummingbirds Are Illegal Tender."

[Blake is at his desk in his headquarters, with the homemade American flag up on the wall behind him and a Snubbull in sunglasses standing cross-armed to the side. You know this is official, because he has gone to the trouble of combing his hair.

He's not in a tie, though. Fuck ties.]


Ladies, gentlemen, and giant bugs, listen up, because we got us a legal system.

That lawyer with the spiky head drew us up a code. What we have there is some real rules for a society. A court system, none of this crap where everybody gets a couple days picking up trash. I'm sending it out to you now.

[Everyone receiving the broadcast will now receive a copy of what, because Blake couldn't figure out how to change the file name, remains stillbetterthanmycollegethesis.docx]

It's a place to start. Now, I got a few things to add straight off.

[Blake clears his throat and holds up a sheet of paper.]

As of today, the law of the land includes the following:

  • No more rhinoceros street races at two in the god damn morning.

  • Chicken a la King is now to be known as Chicken a la Cosell, on the grounds that he is the superior announcer.

  • You are legally required to inform somebody that a glass is full of cow-monster milk before letting them drink it.

  • Anybody who uses the word "celeb," "delish," "guesstimate," or "bromance" shall receive a swift kick in the ass.

  • Same goes for anybody who who talks about their low-carb diet or their goddamn Crossfit routine.

  • If your electric rat knocks out the cable, it'd better be able to fix it.

  • Movies that you have to read are now officially classified as books.

  • All males over the age of 12 must know how to change a tire.

  • Anybody who walks around staring at their cell phone is fair game to get tripped on the legal basis that they are asking for it.

  • If you are making a work of fiction, you are prohibited from putting in a dog just so you can kill it to try make everybody sad.

And, last but not least,

[He is interrupted by an echoing, chittering primate yawp that seems to come from the grated vent above the part of the wall covered by the flag. His confident expression becomes a ferocious scowl.]

Somebody get this goddamn monkey out of the walls!



[Shortly afterwards, this is followed by an IMPORTANT UPATE.]
islandshore: (o rly?)

video

[personal profile] islandshore 2015-08-12 06:51 am (UTC)(link)
Not that I'm complaining, but do we even need tires around here? Most people travel through the air.

Bike wheels are one thing, but car tires? That's kinda excessive.

[But then again, he's not really complaining, if only because these seem a) ridiculously silly and b) tough to enforce.]
islandshore: (amused)

video

[personal profile] islandshore 2015-08-14 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
We didn't really use cars back on the islands. Now, boats? That's a different story.

[It's said with a light little laugh, short and sweet.]

But boats usually don't have tires.
islandshore: (o rly?)

video

[personal profile] islandshore 2015-08-16 06:07 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I'm decent with motor boats. We usually stick to old fashioned paddling, but for more ambitious fishing tricks, it pays to have a faster vessel.

[Though he cracks a sheepish smile, adding:]

And to think my friends and I planed to leave home on a raft...

[It's pretty silly in hindsight.]
islandshore: (yeah right)

video - sorry this is late. am out of town with sporadic internet D8

[personal profile] islandshore 2015-08-22 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
You really think we're a minority, though? There's gotta be at least some others around who can work with "real" vehicles. I'm sure even those space ships Sora's flown used some kind of fuel.

And sure, that's probably what'd happen, but Kairi washed up from another world during a meteor shower, and it's not like we knew what else was out there.
islandshore: (determined)

video

[personal profile] islandshore 2015-08-26 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
Yep, though he's not exactly a kid anymore.

[He's nineteen, but then, that's still young, and he sure acts like a kid half the time. Riku wouldn't have it any other way.]

And yeah, she showed up on the islands during a meteor shower. No memories, no family. Just a kid thrown at our shores from another world.

video

[personal profile] islandshore - 2015-08-30 05:34 (UTC) - Expand

video

[personal profile] islandshore - 2015-09-03 05:35 (UTC) - Expand
fairy_tale_trainer: (smug)

Video

[personal profile] fairy_tale_trainer 2015-08-14 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
I thought American women could do things like changing a tire. And those laws don't sound very professional. Are you really sure you are qualified to be dealing with this? What can you do to enforce these rules?
fairy_tale_trainer: (haughty)

Video

[personal profile] fairy_tale_trainer 2015-08-17 07:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, I haven't been around long enough to see if anyone else would be more qualified, but being old enough to shave doesn't determine if you can lead, and being a police officer does not make you fair or even determine how to run things, they just enforce laws that are unfair, as well as fair laws. I am not saying you're not qualified, but your credentials have some flaws.

ANd what on earth is a movie?
fairy_tale_trainer: (haughty)

Video

[personal profile] fairy_tale_trainer 2015-09-05 10:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Anyone can claim to know the real world and how life works. Most people think they do know that much.

Oh! Like a Zoetrope?
shuttermouse: (GLANCE ❈ tsukiyama's fashion sense tho)

video;

[personal profile] shuttermouse 2015-08-14 02:09 am (UTC)(link)
...Those are some stupid laws. [ Says the girl who looks no older than twelve. ]

What the hell is a bromance, anyway?
shuttermouse: (UHH ❈ don't push the red button)

video;

[personal profile] shuttermouse 2015-08-20 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
Uhh, that's too much effort. [ She will just ignore the 'laws' and do whatever she wants. :|a ]

Vape doesn't even sound like a word.
paopuprincess: (pic#8397697)

[personal profile] paopuprincess 2015-08-21 09:06 am (UTC)(link)
I think I could guesstimate the number of people who will follow these rules.

[You're a weird dude, you know that?]

Also, have you tried bananas?
paopuprincess: (pic#8397668)

[personal profile] paopuprincess 2015-08-26 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
Monkeys... like bananas?

[Are you putting two and two together yet?]
paopuprincess: (pic#8397690)

[personal profile] paopuprincess 2015-09-02 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
Are you telling me that you don't feed your pokemon?

[Because if so, she's got a phone call to make.]

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