[????] "Yeah, I Put a Lot of Cats in That Wall"

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake's been feeling a foreboding for days. An itch in the back of his head. Somthing making his floral piggybank thing lay on its side and stare into space a lot, somehow even creepier than usual. Something that had him sleeping bad enough to spend some nights sitting in the dark watching Throh's Company reruns. Eventually, he thinks he's figured out why.

This fucking time of year again. The time when everything goes from the usual crazy to fucking happy horseshit hell.

He'd planned to spend the time like anybody reasonable would - keeping the shades drawn and hunching over his gun.

One step works all right- he throws a drawer open and there it is. His trusty old SIG Sauer, heavy and real in his grip. That's the one good thing about this, finally having his weapon back in his hand and feeling right again.

Then he flings the curtains shut and goes to sit down in an armchair and wait it out.

A flash of something jabs him in the eye. He blinks and shakes his head hard. Fuck, there it is again. He growls Fuck! and surges to his feet. Some goddamn thing is shining through the crack in the curtain, probably some idiot's metal monster or giant robot--

The first thing he notices when he throws the curtains open is the giant shiny rock jutting out of the ground.

The second is that this is not the same city he closed them on.

Blake groans from the bottom of his heart.] Fucking hell.

Comments

[captainash]

...That's a very simple yet accurate way to put it.

[Ignore the smiling old man chilling nearby with a cup of coffee, Blake. It's probably best for your sanity.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake whirls around and glares at the old man.

He counts off on his fingers.] One, how the fuck did you get in my apartment, two, who the fuck are you, and three, get the fuck out of my apartment!

[captainash]

[Well then, guess he'll just have to count right back.]

One, you should know by now that those mysterious flashes of light don't care about silly things such as personal property. Two, do try to guess before asking for the answer. Three, I'd love to, but there's a crystal in the way and I have bad knees.

[He is holding a cane, but he doesn't look particularly in pain for a man with bad knees.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

That's no damn excuse.

[He kicks a chair toward himself and flops down, being the kind of man who can even sit angrily.]

How am I supposed to know who the fuck you are? You famous, old man?

[He scowls at the light off the rock that's still coming in through the divide in the curtains, shining right on a not-real-clean spot of the carpet.]

It'll go away sooner or later, but you're not goddamn crashing here until then.

[captainash]

[That gets the old man laughing]

You could say I'm a certain sort of famous, but never in this world. Unless you count that one time... Forget that, I'm obviously overstaying my welcome.

[He stands with his cane's help, and maybe, just maybe, his hat moves enough to show a scar running down his cheek for a few seconds.]

Do say hello to Steve for me. I'd do it myself, but I can't quite bend far enough to shake her paw anymore.

[qonspiracy]

Most people would look more surprised about something like this... Most people might utter something a little more fitting of the situation.

But, you're not most people, are you, Lieutenant Carter Blake?

[ Don't mind the FACELESS MAN sitting nearby. ]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake's hand tightens on the windowsill as he glares at the giant rock. The other stays firm on the reassuring weight of his gun.] Most people haven't been through this bullshit a couple times before.

[He turns around and jabs his finger at the interloper]

And most people have the decency to have goddamn eyeballs!

[And something more pertinent:] How the hell do you know my name?

[qonspiracy]

As you may have figured out already, I'm not most people either... In fact, I'm most unlike anyone you're ever going to meet. Most of the populace gobbles up anything they are told or shown, without even thinking of the greater link behind it all...

Most people fail to ask the Question. How it's all connected... Well, I'm not most people, as I've said. I never stop with my questions.

[ Q adjusts his tie. ] There's a lot I know about you, Blake. But that part's not important... What is important is why everyone here is so calm and accepting of the events playing out. Why nobody seems to try and do anything about their being imprisoned here.

Why everyone just calmly accepts and allows their captors to spoon feed them lies, pretending that this world is happy, warm and peaceful. But that's just not true... There's a deeper, darker, more sinister truth behind all of it, and I'm going to need your help in discovering it.

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake is unimpressed.] Plenty of guys ask those questions. Tend to put them on cardboard signs. Then they sit behind them wearing tinfoil hats.

[Blake's about to shove him out the door when he pauses in his tracks. Disturbingly, the guy kind of has a point. He's always known there was some weird shit going on here, and somebody had to be behind it.

His eyes fix suspiciously on the blank place under the guy's hat when a face should be.]

I hate to break it to you, buddy, but nobody's ever even seen a "captor" around here. If the Illuminati are keeping us around a bunch of magic dinosaurs as part of some mysterious evil plan, they're doing a real good job of hiding the damn point of it.

[angerpoints]

Took the words right out of my mouth, old man.

[SURPRISE. Look who blinked and suddenly found himself in your living room, Blake! Maybe it's because weird shit's been going down ever since he woke up this morning, but Yusuke here looks... surprisingly undisturbed for someone who just got teleported into their rival-slash-nemesis' house. Or at least, he does at first, anyway. Standing there with his hands in the pockets of his jacket, Yusuke casts a rather bored look around the room, then suddenly sniffs the air and pulls a face.]

Geez, officer, you ever think of sprayin' this place down with air freshener, or somethin'? It smells like musty grandpa ass in here.

[Or maybe that's just the nasty cigarette dangling out of the corner of his mouth. On that note, Yusuke's just gonna go ahead and puff out a mouthful of smoke. You're welcome.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake hands his head at the familiar voice.] Yeah. That's what I needed. A goddamn juvenile delinquent for company.

[He turns around to glare at him, though, somewhere deep down, Yusuke showing up and being a prick is something reassuringly normal. Like the changing of the tides, except irritating as fuck and probably with a lot of vandalism charges.]

You don't like it, get the hell out. In fact, now that I think about it, get the hell out anyway.

[And Blake's going to stomp over and try to snatch the cigarette out of the brat's mouth.]

[angerpoints]

[For a second there, it doesn't look like Yusuke is going to even try to move out of Blake's way. He stands his ground and simply watches as Blake approaches, his gaze cool and his eyes unblinking. Then, just as Blake starts to reach for the cigarette...

There's a blur of movement, and Yusuke vanishes. Huh. Weird! If Blake thinks that means Yusuke's gone, though, he's going to be disappointed, because a second later, he'll hear Yusuke speak up from somewhere behind him, sounding amused.]

Wow. You're even slower than I remember! You need to get your oil changed, old man.

[Yusuke laughs. When Blake turns around, he'll find Yusuke standing by the window with the cigarette in one hand, in the same spot Blake himself was standing in just a moment ago. Yusuke had to've moved pretty fast to have gotten all the way over there in such a short amount of time. Enjoy that shit-eating grin he's wearing, though, Blake. Surely - surely! - it is a sight you have deeply missed.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake, being an excellent planner, is ready for Yusuke to jerk back or try to slap his hand away.

Instead, he's gone. Blake's standing there with his hand in midair, staring at the cheap paneling on the wall.] The fuck--

[He whirls on a voice that comes from behind him. There is the kid, holding the damn cigarette and standing right where he'd been, which had the minor problem of not being fucking possible.]

How the hell did you-- Do you fucking teleport? [He gestures fiercely.] Stop it!

[strongestoftheturks]

...can't catch a break, huh?

[Now isn't that a voice you haven't heard for a while, Blake. Rude's leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and the slightest of smiles on his face.

He won't admit it, but he's glad to see you too pal.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[On hearing a voice, Blake wonders if he left the door open and accepts with heavy resignation that he knows he didn't. He keeps a good grip on his gun and takes his time in seeing who the interloper is.

His eyes go wide as it finally sinks in why that voice sounded familiar.]

Holy shit.

Rude?

[He shakes his head hard a couple times, but he's still there.]

You crazy old son of a bitch. [A slow smile spreads across the face.] The hell are you doing here?

[That's his way of saying he's glad to see you.]

[strongestoftheturks]

[Rude unfolds his arms and nods, the smile on his face a little more pronounced then it was before.]

It's that time of the year.

[He gestures at the window, where no doubt there'll be lots of confused people wondering about looking for home, perhaps a monster invasion or two, and definitely lots of chaos and mayhem. Nothing out of place that comes with that biannual flash of light.]

...you doing ok?

[lieutenantantichrist]

Well fuck me. I guess it is.

I was about to barricade the door, but a fat lot of good that'd do, anyway.

[He grunts, half-amused.] I'll live. I've kinda gotten used to the bullshit around here. The giant rock's new, though.

[He takes a second to take a look at Rude. He looks the same as he remembers: dark suit, dark glasses. The smile's rare, though. Blake finds himself answering it.]

Where the hell've you been, huh?

[triptoprofiling]

You gotta be fuckin' kidding me. Not this shit again...

[oh hai, Cahtah.]

I clapped like a seal

[lieutenantantichrist]

[That voice. That exasperation. The familiarity is as undeniable as it is impossible.

But there is nobody else in any imaginable universe who has that accent.

Slowly, Blake turns around to meet a face he hasn't seen in months.

His eyes are wide, and his voice is full of amazement.] Fuckin' asshole.

pfffff i missed u 2 <3

[triptoprofiling]

Personable as always, Blake. Don't worry-- I won't be here for long.

[Yep. Good to see you, ol' partner.]

Let's get this over already and ride this thing out.

Here is Blake's way of saying he missed you.

[lieutenantantichrist]

It's really you.

[For a long moment, Blake just stares, all kinds of emotions roiling through him.

He locks on to the single one he knows how to deal with.]

You son of a bitch!

[Shoving his gun home into the holster that had reappeared along with it, he bulls toward Jayden and grabs him by the shirtfront.]

Where the hell do you get off, vanishing into thin air like that?! Nobody fuckin' told you you could skip town and leave me with a goddamn squirrel and an ice cream cone!

Choo choo all aboard the nostalgia express

[handydecisions]

What the hell?

[LONG TIME NO SEE, FRIEND. Lee's got one hand up to block some of the light reflecting off the giant shiny thing, enough that he doesn't notice the gun.]

WHY HELLO THERE

[lieutenantantichrist]

Just what I was thinking, bud--

[Hold it.

Blake does an honest to god double take.

He forgets the gun in his hand and just stares.]

Lee?

[handydecisions]

[ALRIGHT now that his vision has focused properly-

...wait, he's back here?]

Holy shit. Carter?

[lieutenantantichrist]

[He blinks a few times.] Yeah.

[He shakes his head to try to clear it, then ends up squinting and blinking more when the light off the rock jabs into his eyes. When the spots clear up, Lee is still there.]

Goddamn, man. Where the hell have you been?