lieutenantantichrist | [9] Video/Action for near Goldenrod

[The video comes up on Blake on the outskirts of Route 35. There's a beat-up Chikorita sitting on a fencepost, letting out small distressed noises and looking nauseous. Blake's got the Gear set up on the next post over, and he's spraying the pokemon with an Antidote with one hand while he holds the guidebook open with the other. He's muttering to himself and squinting at the book in the fading light as the sun sets.]

Fire does extra damage to grass, that makes sense, grass burns easy. Grass does extra to ground, plants...grow from the ground. Electric does less damage to grass-- doesn't lightning hit trees a lot? Ahh, whatever. Here it is.

[He drops the empty Antidote bottle and jabs his finger at the book.]

Poison does double to plants. How's that supposed to make sense? You can't cyanide somebody's geraniums!

[He throws his hands up. Behind him, the Chikorita gets up and shakes itself off.]

And the rest of these- bugs beat psychics? Ice beats birds? Fighting beats rocks? How do the rest of you remember all this crap?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I guess if you're covered in needles and cyanide you don't need to be beating anybody at chess.

Okay, how about dark? That already makes no damn sense as a type. How come fighting and bugs do double damage but fire doesn't? Fire makes light, light makes dark go away.

Fire doesn't always really make light if it's burning hot enough though. Also, the dark isn't a thing that can be fought with fire. It's just there, you know. Like trying to throw a rock at an illusion, it's not going to do anything to it. If the dark is heavy enough, it's not going to be fazed by one little flame anyway, it's kind of more intensive than that.

Sure, and water can't put out a fire if it's big enough, but it still does double damage.

You ever seen floodlights? Those things can get rid of all the dark on the block.

And those aren't fire. Fire flickers and moves and is very brief. What you're thinking of is not fire. You're thinking of electric and lightning stuff.

Okay, how about a bonfire then? It does the same thing. Lights stuff up. And it can last a plenty long time if you keep feeding it. Logically, my fire-breathing dog should be able to kick the crap out of that one other kind of dog.

[Blake rubs his head.] I can't believe I'm arguing about this.

Fire is still not a constant steady source of light. It flickers, it moves, and it intensifies shadows, usually.

Okay, smart guy, what works good on dark?

You pointed it our right? The things that would work best are electric stuff, logically speaking... though I guess ice and steel might be good too. I'll admit I can't remember the grid off the top of my head though, I'd have to check.

Edited 2013-09-16 19:04 (UTC)

[Blake groans in frustration] And what the hell kinda sense does that make? Ice and metal have nothing to do with anything!

...Carter, they're reflective surfaces. [Have him blinking at you like this logic should have been obvious.

Admittedly, no it shouldn't have.]

[Blake stares at him.]

[He throws the book in the air.] Fuck this.

[Behind him, the little Chikorita hops up and catches the book. Hooray, they're playing!]

Edited 2013-09-21 00:48 (UTC)

Wait! Does that mean we're done? [He had just been getting warmed up! This had been... kind of fun okay?!]

Fine, explain ghosts doing extra damage to each other and I'll buy you a Coke.

[The Chikorita bounds up, deposits the book at his feet, and looks at up at him expectantly.]

Great, now what does it want?

Oh! That's really easy. Ghosts are the only things that can pretty much indisputably always touch ghosts.

[He snickered at the actions of the pokemon.]

Throwing it more maybe? Oh! By the way, what's a coke?

Oh come on. Who's ever heard of ghosts fighting each other?

[as he kneels down] It's a soda.

...a kind of drink. It's fulla sugar and probably gives you cancer. It's great.

[a book's not real aerodynamic. Blake finds a stick and tosses it instead. Billy Bob goes scampering after it like a little green avocado-puppy.]

There's something weird about a plant that'll chase sticks...Shit, did I just throw its aunt?

Don't worry about it, my Carnivine likes to chase sticks too, I think it's pretty funny.

Also... why wouldn't ghosts fight each other? That aside, I said touch. You know, that's not always fighting...

Like a goddamn puppy.

[Billy Bob trots back, drops the stick, and looks expectant. The only thing to do is throw it again.]

Cause you never see that in the movies. They don't do anything with each other, they just float around or teach old guys the meaning of Christmas.

[He holds his hands up.] Uh-uh. I am not thinking about whatever ghosts do to make ghost eggs. There is something wrong with every single part of that.

[Obito smirked, not even trying to contain his amusement.]

What, you don't like the idea of imagining them being frisky?

[If there is one thing Blake knows about the world, it's this:]

Ghosts can't bang.

[well he's not going to get agreement here.]

How would you know? Are you a ghost?

I don't need to be! They're ghosts! They don't have bodies! They can't...

[He groans and rubs his face]

Quit making me think about this shit.

They're ghosts, but they have babies. You tell me how that works then.

[He throws his hands up.]

Maybe there's a ghost stork. Why the fuck wouldn't there be?

....

.....

You believe in the stork? [All the incredulity now for you. He'd heard of that story once, and he'd found it weird then.]

No, you lunatic, that was goddamn sarcasm.

But here, for ghosts? How do you know there's not one? [He's fucking around. Mostly.]

[Video]

itsjustdust - 2013-10-03 23:08 (UTC) - Expand

[9] Video/Action for near Goldenrod - "Who are we doing it versus?"

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