lieutenantantichrist | [8] Video/Action for Goldenrod, backdated to around the 9th

[Jail is fucking boring.]

[They'd stuck Blake in a cell for a while until they figured out something about community service. It was a lot faster than back in the real world, but even crazy bullshit island has red tape. Blake's not sure whether that's nostalgic or not.]

[Cells are the same everywhere, too. He's never been on this side before. The novelty wears off fast.]

[He wishes he had a ball to bounce against the wall or something. They didn't even leave him any of his animals for company. Maybe that's a good thing. He doesn't know how he's going to explain this to Steve.]

[There's nothing but a book, and there's only so much anybody can take of The Dratini Code.]

[Blake leans back on the hard bunk and tosses his phone in one hand. When he got in here the one thing he was sure of was that he didn't want to talk to anybody, but nothing weakens that conviction like a couple hours alone with the hot, uneasy feeling in the back of his head.]

[He flips the phone open before he can think about it too much and says the first thing that comes to mind.]

[The face that comes up on the screen will look a lot less combative and more withdrawn than usual.]

Hey.

You think they have the Shawshank Redemption around here?

Maybe with one of those stupid puns in the title, and he digs his way out with one of those mole things. A little tiny one for finding rocks.

Seems like everything around here is like back home but turned the local kind of stupid. Do they even make any real original movies?

[In the crappy florescent lights shared by jails everywhere, the lines on his face look deep and weathered.]

I'm tired of nothing but the same old thing.

((OOC: Open for calls and visitors! Blake's in jail for punching Parker, but you don't have to broach the topic if you don't want to. He's not real proud of himself, so he'll pussyfoot around it unless asked directly. If you definitely don't want it to come up, just put in an OOC note.))

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[Poor Blake. You should never forget about Bro, because he'll always be there. Watching. Waiting.

Tapping on the bars, because he's finally there.]

Wakey wakey, Eggs and Blakey...

[Blake snorts and starts. He's woken up the rest of the way by the sound of the book smacking into the floor.]

[He levers himself up and looks blearily at the visitor.]

Whaddya you want?

Wow, that was an attractive sound, that snort.

[Seriously Blake, you must have all the ladies. Except nah, because you can't have all of the ladies when you're a jailbird, unlike Bro. Who is not a jailbird and could have all of the ladies if he chose.]

I'm here to appreciate irony at work- oh and to keep you company. Jail is boring as fuck, ain't it?

[Blake rubs his face] Who gives a shit?

[You don't wanna hear ugly noises, don't go waking up people in jail cells.]

It was fine until you showed up.

Real nice of you. Now go away.

You weren't fine! You were so bored you decided to just sleep life away.

[You're lucky he came when he did. You might've died from boredom!]

I brought cards and also music. [Which is to say a lot of rap.] I'll make your time here super fun.

People sleep all the time.

[Blake's starting to miss boredom already.]

[He shoots a glance toward the officer on duty in a vain attempt to get the nuisance thrown out. Officer Jenny, who has heard herself and her compatriots called useless goddamn clones a good dozen times today, is busy with some suddenly vital paperwork.]

I don't want music or super fun. Don't you have ponies to comb?

[Officer Jenny is a good officer, Bro is definitely going to speak highly of her from now on.

He lets out a laugh at that last question, and shoots Blake a grin.]

Nah, my Equestria girls are busy today. I have all the time in the world to spend with you! So come on... Should I rap for you? I bet I should rap for you. Or how about a puppet show?

[The more the asshole laughs, the more Blake's scowl deepens until his whole face is deep lines around a glare.]

Puppets. Of course. The crazies and the sickos are always into puppets.

How about you shove them up your ass?

Oh...

Oh. [His expression turns very, very gleeful. Like damn son, you just opened up a can of worms right there.]

You want a show, huh? Why didn't you tell me you were into puppets, too? And I even brought a smuppet, how convenient... [He's pulling a bright orange smuppet out of his pockets. It's long nose and bulbous butt looking so beautiful and tempting in the dim lights of the jail.]

Tell me where you want me to stick the nose, Blakey.

[That is a bad, bad expression.]

[For a second, when he pulls the puppet out of his pocket, Blake's just confused.]

How did that ugly thing even fit in there?

[It really is ugly in a new and incredible way. What kind of toy company would even make that?]

[Blake makes a get out of here gesture]

I am not in the fucking mood for this bullshit.

My pants are like the TARDIS. [He says this in the most matter of fact tone.] They have to be, in order to contain the beast within.

[He wishes he could actually get in the cell with Blake- then again, he would probably get punched, so maybe it's for the best. Alas.]

Well, how long is your sentence? I plan to keep you company for aaaall of it.

[Now Blake's just confused. He rubs sleep out of his eyes with the heel of his hand] Yeah, sure, your pants are retarded.

[Or shoved out the window. There's bars in the way, but Blake would sure try.]

[He gives a long, deep-down sigh. He can't even manage to get pissed off. He's just tired.]

I told you, I'm not in the mood to play around.

You don't want to play with me?

[He puffs out his bottom lip.]

I want to play with you [He absentmindedly runs his hand along the length of the smuppet nose. It looks kind of like a dirty, suggestive motion.] You're hurting my feelings, Blakey.

[His eyes roll.] Cry me a fuckin' river.

I don't want to play with anybody, and that goes double for you.

[His face twists in disgust at the screwed-up stuffed animal] What's wrong with that thing? It's uglier than the knockoff ones you get from carnival games.

[Bro makes the most mock offended face he possibly can.]

How dare you insult my smuppet. This is one of my own creations. I put so much love and effort into this, and you're hurting it's feelings.

[He gently caresses the nose.] Say you're sorry to him.

[That is a real punchable face. Better stay out of range, or Blake might consider the extended jail time worth it.]

That explains it. One freak makes another.

[There's something goddamn obscene about that. Blake scowls and takes some interest in the wall.]

I'm not talking to a puppet. Hell, I'm not in the mood to talk to you, either.

[Wow, you know what? He's tired of you insulting him, so he's jut going to reach through the bars and throw the smuppet at Blake's head.]

[Blake doesn't know what he was expecting, but it sure wasn't a flying puppet. The thing smacks into him and wraps itself around his head obscenely.]

[He grunts in disgust and yanks it off. He scowls at its ugly face.]

What are you trying to do, get rid of it? No thanks. If you make a damn butt puppet, getting stuck with it is nobody's fault but your own.

You trying to get revenge on Jim Henson for something?

[8] Video/Action for Goldenrod, backdated to around the 9th

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