lieutenantantichrist | [7] Video/Action for Union Cave

[The camera jounces up and down as Blake walks. It's pointed up at his face as rocks and hills pass by in the background. From time to time, there's a glimpse of the little Snubbull trotting by his side.]

Good to get out of that place. If I never see the color purple again, it'll be too soon.

[His steps slow and he turns the camera to face a dark opening in the face of the mountain.]

All the way here, "Watch out for the cave," that's what everybody keeps saying. I don't get what the big deal is. It's just a hole in the ground, and I'm a little too old to be scared of the dark. Bats, either. What are they gonna do, get in my hair?

[He turns the phone back toward himself.] Look, I'll show you.

[The screen falls into shadow as he walks into the cave. It's surprising how fast the bright daylight is left behind.]

See? [Blake's face is lit eerily by the light from the Gear. His voice echoes off the ceiling. There's a distant rustling that's probably nothing.] Nothing to it.

[There's a fluttering noise. Something touches his shoulder. Blake brushes it away.]

All you need is a little....

[Something squeaks. A shadow passes behind Blake. There's a soft rustling. Then a loud one. Blake looks up.]

[Then descends Zubat armaggeddon.]

[The Gear catches whirling impressions of wings, frantic squeaking, and a whole lot of shouting.]

Jesus fucking hell!

[Blake bursts back into sunlight with what must be the whole god damn bat population of the island swarming around him. The phone falls and lies on the ground, pointed up at where he's thrashing at the bats as the little pink blur beside him hops up and down and whacks at them with her paws]

[He rips one off his shirt and flings it away, smacks another off his back, and finally, the swarm clears out. He's left panting with his clothes torn.]

Son of a bitch. You okay Steve?

[There's a dizzy "Snub."]

[Blake goes to retrieve the Gear. As he crouches down, he feels something tickling his neck. He reaches up and feels a little Zubat, clinging with tiny claws to what little it can grab of his hair.]

[He pulls it off and holds it by the wing between thumb and forefinger. It squeaks and tries to flap, curling itself in a tiny little sideways bat pullup.]

Huh. Determined little runt.

What do I do, throw it back? Wonder if there's a minimum size, like with bass fishing.

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[... aaand Yusuke's cracking up again. Gosh, Blake, you're making this way too easy for him. The thrashing's giving him a headache, though, so he stills and grins into the camera instead, saying:]

I wouldn't deal with 'em like that, I'll tell ya that much. Seriously, old man, what the hell was that? I thought you said you weren't scared of bats!

[He can only imagine how Blake would react if something like Baldock jumped out at him...]

Do I look scared to you?!

[He shakes the bat at the camera. It clings to his hand with its little claws.]

There's plenty of things I'm not scared of that I don't want biting my ears off!

[Short answer: not well. He'd probably try to shoot it.]

Pshh, that one's not scary. You probably just ended up with a baby, or somethin'.

[It's actually kind of cute, to be honest! No way in hell he'll admit to that, though. Yusuke moves on.]

But okay, whatever, you're not scared. Are you gonna go back in there, then? Maybe you'll run into one of those giant rock snakes.

Don't you call Ray Liotta a baby. You're still a squirt yourself.

[Once it stops being shaken, the little bat yawns. What are people doing going around a these hours? Decent folk should be hanging from ceilings right now, not barging into peoples' homes.]

[Blake looks Yusuke in the eye and says with heartfelt conviction]

Fuck caves.

Ray Lio-- that's a stupid name.

[Yusuke is gonna pointedly ignore the fact that you just called him a "squirt", Blake. Half of everyone else he meets looks at him and thinks he's way older than he actually is, and as far as he's concerned, that's all that matters. SO THERE.

As for that last comment, well, he guesses he's glad he and Blake got to share that moment together. Being looked at like that all of the sudden - especially by Blake - does, however, get a weird little look from him, though it disperses relatively quickly once the old guy's disclosed his opinion on the idea of heading back into the cave. Geez, don't go gazing into his eyes like that, man! That was just uncomfortable!]

Okay, so you're wimping out. All right! That's cool. I kinda expected as much.

[Naturally, as Yusuke says this, he's giving Blake that shitty look that's probably so familiar to him by now, very clearly trying to get a rise out of him. Rise to the bait, Blake! Do it! Don't let him down!]

Fuck you, it's a great name. Haven't you ever seen Field of Dreams?

[There's not a liquor store in the world that wouldn't card you, kid.]

[It's a rare, heartfelt moment about hating goddamn caves.]

[There is rarely a bait in the world that Blake won't rise to, and something about this kid consistently gets under his skin.]

[Blake practically looks like a bear that's been poked with a stick.]

Son of a-- You think it's such a good idea, you go in and get shit on by every bat in the damn country.

No, but it sounds dumb.

[:I Besides, what the heck does a "field of dreams" have to do with a bat? That logic of yours' just seems totally out of left field to him, Blake.

Anyway, AW YISS, Operation "Poke The Bear" was a success! Yusuke smirks and says:]

I would, if I weren't still stuck in Violet. I'm not scared of a couple bat turds, unlike some people.

You gotta be kidding me. Who the hell hasn't seen Field of Dreams? I thought Japanese people were supposed to be into baseball, so that's no excuse.

[Where the hell is your culture, Yusuke]

Tough guy, huh? Sure you would.

[An idea stirs in the dark, angry recesses of Blake's brain. He thinks of all the extra pokeballs in his bag.]

[As soon as the phone's off, he's gonna take one more little trip into that cave. It'll be worth it.]

[Oblivious to whatever terrible, diabolical thing Blake is plotting, Yusuke nails him with a vaguely affronted look and says:]

Not all Japanese people. There're plenty of us who hate baseball. For good reason, too. I mean, who the hell wants to watch a bunch of guys hit a ball and run around?

[Congratulations, Blake! You have officially put Yusuke off of seeing "Field of Dreams" forever. The title alone would've been enough to repel him, but now that he knows it's about baseball, he will avoid it with even more intensity than he would have otherwise. The spirit of Shoeless Joe Jackson is disappointed.]

Anyway, I don't watch a lot of American movies. Some of 'em look all right, but reading subtitles is a pain in the ass.

The "Rocky" movies're pretty good, though. Y'know, the ones about the guy who turns into this badass boxer?

[Blake's offended on behalf of his culture] Plenty of people. It's what you do in summer.

Lazy punk. [Don't ask when the last time was Blake watched a subtitled movie.]

Don't you have the voices put over? Like those shitty kung-fu movie dubs, but the other way around.

[Then he gets Blake's attention] Yeah, Rocky, that's a goddamn classic! It's set in my home town. Course I know it!

[7] Video/Action for Union Cave

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video; you tell 'em, ray liotta

video; As long as he can remember, he always wanted to be a bat.

video; that is a terrible joke

video; it's great and you know it

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