lieutenantantichrist | [7] Video/Action for Union Cave

[The camera jounces up and down as Blake walks. It's pointed up at his face as rocks and hills pass by in the background. From time to time, there's a glimpse of the little Snubbull trotting by his side.]

Good to get out of that place. If I never see the color purple again, it'll be too soon.

[His steps slow and he turns the camera to face a dark opening in the face of the mountain.]

All the way here, "Watch out for the cave," that's what everybody keeps saying. I don't get what the big deal is. It's just a hole in the ground, and I'm a little too old to be scared of the dark. Bats, either. What are they gonna do, get in my hair?

[He turns the phone back toward himself.] Look, I'll show you.

[The screen falls into shadow as he walks into the cave. It's surprising how fast the bright daylight is left behind.]

See? [Blake's face is lit eerily by the light from the Gear. His voice echoes off the ceiling. There's a distant rustling that's probably nothing.] Nothing to it.

[There's a fluttering noise. Something touches his shoulder. Blake brushes it away.]

All you need is a little....

[Something squeaks. A shadow passes behind Blake. There's a soft rustling. Then a loud one. Blake looks up.]

[Then descends Zubat armaggeddon.]

[The Gear catches whirling impressions of wings, frantic squeaking, and a whole lot of shouting.]

Jesus fucking hell!

[Blake bursts back into sunlight with what must be the whole god damn bat population of the island swarming around him. The phone falls and lies on the ground, pointed up at where he's thrashing at the bats as the little pink blur beside him hops up and down and whacks at them with her paws]

[He rips one off his shirt and flings it away, smacks another off his back, and finally, the swarm clears out. He's left panting with his clothes torn.]

Son of a bitch. You okay Steve?

[There's a dizzy "Snub."]

[Blake goes to retrieve the Gear. As he crouches down, he feels something tickling his neck. He reaches up and feels a little Zubat, clinging with tiny claws to what little it can grab of his hair.]

[He pulls it off and holds it by the wing between thumb and forefinger. It squeaks and tries to flap, curling itself in a tiny little sideways bat pullup.]

Huh. Determined little runt.

What do I do, throw it back? Wonder if there's a minimum size, like with bass fishing.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If your kid went into a coma, how would you handle it? [Bro has more issues than that, but the point he's making is more important.]

[Dodge that question!]

I don't have any kids.

Humor me. If you did?

[Kid in a coma, huh...]

[shrugs his shoulders and admits] Not real well.

I wouldn't go around calling people ponies, though.

It's a hell of a lot nicer than what he'd do at home. [Nothing would stand against Bro at home, not even what killed him in the end. He'd never seen Bro mad. Ever.] Fyi, I've never seen Bro lose his cool, ever.

[Stop and consider that for a second. What would it be like if Bro lost it.]

Quit saying fie!

Going around telling people that other people are horses is pretty bad to begin with. Why do you put up with this guy?

[Blake doesn't care about anybody's cool. All he knows is this guy is some mouthy punk.]

He's family. He put up with my shit and kept raising me anyway. You gotta respect that.

[Essentially a father figure, yet under the label of 'brother'.]

What, didn't you have a mom?

[That's as close as Blake can get to asking a question delicately.]

[He shrugs.] Didn't get to know her until I met her here. It was just me and bro. Technically, he's actually my dad, but he went with bro so I stick by that.

No big deal.

[Now Blake gets it. Teen pregnancy, same old story, though it's rare that the father's the one who sticks around. It's not uncommon for the parents to pretend to be siblings instead. Might not fool that many people, but saves them some hassle.]

Complicated family, huh. I guess crazy horse guy is better than nobody.

Crazy horse guy is usually a rad ninja but he's been focusing on clod hoppers lately. No one is cool when you're that obsessed. Yeah, complicated family. Twin sister went with mom.

Another damn ninja? Sorry kid, but he looks like way too much of an idiot to fit in with the rest of the child soldiers. Too old too.

Must've been a hell of a custody battle.

Nah, mutually agreed thing. No battles for the right to have one or the other, or both. Just parting ways easily. [Ie meteors man. Meteors.]

If you think he's an idiot, man he really has you fooled. That aside, not the same world. Hang around us next time things go crazy. Actually, I'll come find you when that happens.

Nice to hear there's an exception to the ugly fights once in a while. No lawyers involved.

[Blake gives him a dubious look] If he's not a moron, he's a real, real good actor.

[He holds his hands up quickly] Uh-uh. No thanks. I've had more than enough crazy for one lifetime.

[He smiles and that's a dangerous thing for sanity.] Oh sure, I get it. Don't worry.

[Dave still has that mischieveous edge to his voice.]

[Blake's voice is full of foreboding.]

Uh-uh. Whatever you're thinking about, no.

What do you think I'm thinking about?