lieutenantantichrist | [17] [Text/Action for Mahogany] - "Whenever You Get Involved, Someone Gets Hurt."

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[17] [Text/Action for Mahogany] - "Whenever You Get Involved, Someone Gets Hurt."

[ACTION]

[In a low-rent corner of Mahogany, there's a real gym. No mazes, no boss trying to fight you in exchange for something they call a badge, no lackeys, just weight machines and a floor covered with rubber mats, the way it should be. Open twenty-four hours, and this late there's no human in this room but Blake. He's in a sweatsuit, gray in contrast to the brown of the Hitmonlee holding pads for him in its upraised paws. The only sound is his harsh breaths and the thump of his fists on the canvas. His shoulders are hunched like a boxer's. His eyes look straight ahead. Judging from the sweat darkening the back of his shirt, he's been here a while.

On the other side of the room, a Snubbull is sitting on the floor, looking at a Gear that's resting on the mats. A Musharna floats beside her. Fifteen minutes of frustration proved that claws are no good for texting with, but she wants to talk to someone. She really wants to.

She snubs softly, so as not to make her trainer angry. The Musharna's eyes show no reaction, but the buttons on the Gear depress. The text that Steve watches appear seems to be accurate, more or less. The transcription might come strange through the dreaming creature. It's close enough for what she needs.]

[TEXT]

Hello lo low hello

Please talk to me.
I want to talk.
I will tell you my favorite story.
He told it to me when I couldn't sleep. His eyes were closed for some of it but I shook his knee and got to hear the end. Without the end it isn't a story.

Once
upon a time there was a girl. She was poor and alone because her parents were dead, and child services didn't exist then, so she had to go to live with her wicked stepmother and do work for her. Hard work, the kind that nearly killed her, but in time she got used to it.

Then one day she heard the prince was giving a big ball. She asked to go, but her stepmother wouldn't let her. So she tried to run off and get a ride to the castle from a knight, but her wicked stepmother had tailled her, and she found her and dragged her off the horse. While she was going, the wicked stepmother threw the knight a gold coin. He held onto it, and he kept looking at it all the time. He kept thinking about the girl.
He wanted to help her, but he couldn't.

The knight went to the ball, and he was going to kill the prince, but there were too many guards around watching him, so he ran away.

Then the knight went to find the girl and save her. The wicked stepmother grazed him in the neck with an evil spell, but he killed her and all the other guys too, even though he got hurt bad. At first the girl was scared, but then she was free and she was okay. She got to go back home to her real parents. The knight was a hero. All the papers said so.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

..........
..........
..........

Tell me your favorite story.
Voice or video if you can.
The words alone are lonely.

Tell me please.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[... well, that's weird. This is Blake's number, but unless Blake hit the magical crab shrooms again, it definitely wasn't Blake who wrote this message. Yusuke hasn't really felt like talking to anyone recently, so despite the strangeness of this situation, he almost doesn't respond. Curiosity gets the better of him in the end, though, and so, a few minutes after he's read the text, he picks up his 'Gear again and turns on the video.]

Who is this?

[Yusuke looks tired. Sounds tired, too.]

[Magical crab shrooms are always possible...but this time, the screen doesn't show a field or a Paras. It's just a Snubbull on the floor of a gym, with a Musharna beside her, and the sound of thumps and huffing breaths in the background.

It's very good to see a familiar face, even if he looks odd and withdrawn, a little like Steve does. She snubs softly, and a text will arrive soon after.]

Hello Yusuke. I want to hear the best story you know. Or maybe just one you like. Just something. Do you have one?

Uh -

[Hi, Steve! Nice job putting him on the spot. Yusuke looks pretty taken aback, not just by the request, but by the sight of Steve and the Musharna on his screen. Then again, perhaps he shouldn't be - all things considered, it makes more sense for it to have been Steve who (sort of) wrote the message than it does for it to have been Blake.

Speaking of the old man, where is he? Yusuke's about to ask, but then he hears the noises off-screen and notices the look on Steve's little pug face. He knits his brow and frowns, suddenly feeling... legitimately concerned. What the hell is going on? He can sort of tell what Blake's doing (he's hit enough punching bags to recognize the sound), but that doesn't answer the question of what's getting Steve so down.

... well, whatever it is, he isn't about to abandon her now. It takes a bit of effort, but he manages to muster up a bit of a sheepish smile for her, reaching back with his free hand to rub the back of his neck.]

I dunno, Steve. I'm not that great at tellin' stories.

[Not the kind she's asking for, anyway. He's pretty good at talking smack about Kuwabara behind his back, but that's different.]

[Yusuke is Yusuke. It makes the little dog feel less lonely, in this strange, quiet night.]

That's okay. It doesn't have to be good. But I bet you have a lot of them. Adventures and things.

[Her lower fangs gnaw at her lip.] He always says he's bad at stories but when I keep at it a while he'll tell me one. But now he won't say anything.

Why not? Did something happen?

[People don't just clam up and start shutting other people out for no reason, after all. Yusuke would know. He'd spent several weeks not saying anything to anyone back in his own world, and not just because he hadn't felt like it.]

[Steve's paws scratch anxiously at her ears. Her snubs grow more rapid.]

I don't know! He just looked at the Gear more and more for a while, and got moody and quiet, and he kept pacing on the Routes without even battling, and now he won't say anything!

[The lip below her fang quivers.]

I didn't do anything wrong.

[... oh no, STEVE. Yusuke isn't sure what to make of what she told him about Blake (what did he see on the network that bugged him out so badly?), but he sets that aside as soon as he notices her looking... well, as close to crying as a dog could. Eyes widening, Yusuke quickly blurts out:]

C'mon, Steve, don't do that -

[Shit, shit, what does he do about this? Yusuke's never been particularly great when it comes to comforting crying people, so he feels even more out of his depth now that he suddenly finds himself confronted with the possibility of having to do so with an animal. He flounders for a second or two, and then, forcing himself to relax, gives her a level look, addressing her as calmly as possible.]

Listen. I dunno what's goin' on with the old man, but I'm positive that whatever it is, it doesn't have anything to do with you or what you did or didn't do. So don't feel like you've gotta convince me of anything, all right? I know you. You're a good girl.

[Yusuke's voice is firm. He doesn't know when he went from fighting demons to comforting little pink dogs, but you know what? He gives a shit about this little pink dog, and that's enough to keep him from feeling awkward or embarrassed about it. If anybody has a problem with that, they can take it up with his fists.]

... anyway, you wanted to hear a story, right? [He smiles wryly at her.] I'm not all that great at tellin' stories, like I said, but uh... I guess I can give it a shot, if it'll make you feel better. What kinda story were you wanting?

[He's still curious about what's eating Blake, but Steve's upset, and it seems important to try to take her mind off of things. If that means he's gotta tell her a dumb story, fine. He'll do it.]

I don't know what's wrong. Usually he talks to me, even if he thinks I don't understand, but now he won't.

[Steve sniffs hard with a whuffing sound and gets a hold of herself. Yusuke says she's a good girl, and he's a clever boy, he'd know.

His smile is nice and normal, too. It's good to have company.]

I like all kinds of stories. Funny ones. Ones with fighting! Or happy endings.

What kind do you like?

Me? Uh... psh, hell, I dunno. Ones with fighting, I guess. I kinda prefer actually doing the fighting rather than talking about it, though.

[That, and all of the stories he could tell her off the top of his head about his fights are either boring because they ended really fast or too messed up for him to want to talk about them, so... yeah, he's just gonna. Lay off of the fighting stories, thanks. What story could he tell her, though? Yusuke furrows his brow a bit as he considers his options. There's a few folktales he remembers liking as a kid, like Momotaro and Issunboshi, but...

...

Huh. Suddenly, an idea pops into Yusuke's head. He could tell her about that, he guesses. It's a little embarrassing, but you know what, it's late and he hasn't slept worth a damn and there's a dog on his screen giving him big sad eyes, so if somebody he knows sees this later and tries to give him shit, he'll just use all of that as an excuse.

And also threaten to punch them out. That always makes him feel better.]

All right, I got one for ya. You seem like you could use something with a happy ending, so... you wanna hear it?

Me too usually. [Steve and Yusuke have a lot in common, really, for a teenage Japanese ruffian and a tiny dog.] Today a lot of things are different.

[She's quiet, letting him think. In the background there's a pause in the thuds, some heavy breaths, and then they resume.

Steve perks up when Yusuke seems to think of something.] Yes please. Tell me.

[No wonder they get along so well. Yusuke smiles at her.]

All right. Ahem -

[He presses his fist to his mouth and clears his throat - loudly and exaggeratedly, like he would if he was about to tell a story to a kid and was trying to get a laugh out of them. Come to think of it, this entire conversation had felt sort of like he was talking to a kid rather than a little pink dog. Maybe this wouldn't be so weird after all.]

So uh...

... once upon a time...

[He grimaces. YEAH, NO, NEVERMIND, THIS STILL FEELS WEIRD. He has no idea what the hell he's doing. Then again, he usually doesn't know what the hell he's doing, so why should he let it bug him now? He shouldn't. And he's not gonna. When in doubt, say "fuck it" and go full speed ahead! That's the Yusuke Urameshi way of dealing with things. Determined, Yusuke leans in closer to the screen and continues to speak.]

There was this guy. Right? A real jerk. Nobody liked him and almost everybody was afraid of him 'cause he had a bad attitude and got into trouble all the time. He skipped school, he smoked, he drank, he got into a lot of fights - hell, he'd never even lost a fight. He really liked fighting. Lived for it, even. It was the only thing he was really good at, and it made him feel better when he was pissed off about something, which was pretty much all the time since life wasn't goin' the way he wanted it to. Thing is, he didn't think things could change, so he didn't do anything about it. Figured that, hey, nobody else cares whether I crash and burn, so why should I? Life's just gonna continue bein' one crappy bullshit day after the other, so fuck it. It's easier just to not give a shit than it is to try doing something different and risk setting myself up to get burned.

[Yusuke pauses, seeming... a little awkward all of the sudden. Then he quickly moves on.]

So yeah. Aaanyway, one day, the guy was in a crappier mood than usual. Everybody and their cousin was getting on his case - this noisy girl he'd known since they were kids, this asshole teacher who had it in for him, the principal of his school, his mom who'd spent like the past two days partying with her circus freak friends and for some stupid reason still thought she had a right to nag him about bein' responsible when she was hungover as hell and sleeping in 'til noon. About the only person who hadn't chewed his head off about something was this butt-ugly dude who was always trying to kick his ass. He showed up with his gang to try to pick a fight with the guy like he always did, but y'know, of course the guy wiped the floor with him. By the time he was done with him, he'd smashed his face up so bad his teeth had black eyes! You think he was hideous before, well, now not even blind people'd wanna lay eyes on him.

Basically, the guy felt a lot better afterwards. Nothin' like a good knuckle-buster to make your day a little brighter.

[Yusuke looks pleased.]

Anyway, after he'd ditched the ugly dude, he kept walking. Figured since his mom didn't want him at home and his asshole teacher'd kicked him out of school, he'd go spend the rest of the day at the arcade or something.

But then he met this kid.

The kid wasn't all that old - maybe like, I dunno, four or five. He was playin' with his ball along the side of a busy street, though, so of course when the guy saw him, he told him off. He said, "what the hell, kid, are you stupid or d'you want some car to come along and splatter your brains all over the pavement?" This, uh, kinda upset the kid, so to make him feel better, the guy pulled a couple faces, like this.

[Yusuke makes faces at her. They're pretty silly. Clearly, pulling terrible faces is one of Yusuke's superpowers.]

And it worked, too. The kid was having a great time. Since the kid didn't look like he wanted to cry anymore, the guy decided to leave. Before he did, though, he gave the kid one last piece of advice. He said, "go play somewhere else, kid. It's not safe to play here, so do yourself a favor and get lost."

He thought he'd made himself pretty clear, but y'know, of course, the second the guy turned his back to cross the street, the kid started doin' the same damn thing he'd been doing before: playing ball on the side of the road like a dumbass. The guy was pissed off. Like, shit, what even was the point? If the kid's really stupid enough to continue playing on the side of the road even after he was told not to, the guy might as well've just left him alone and let him get squashed. That'd teach him not to listen to people older than him.

He was about to leave, but then he saw the kid kick his ball into the street. "Oh shit," he thought. "That kid's not gonna go after it, is he?"

He did, of course. Just walked right into the street like it was no big deal. The guy freaked out. Yelled at him to get out of the way. That's when he saw a car coming at the kid like a bat out of hell, and before he even had a chance to think about it, he ran in there, shoved him out of the way, and...

WHAM! The car hit him. The next thing he knew, he was floating in the air, looking down at his own body.

[And Yusuke pauses again, this time with the intention of giving Steve an opportunity to comment if she wants.]

[That enthusiastic clearing of the throat does in fact get a muffled doggish giggle. Steve is quite a receptive audience.

And, despite the urging it took to get him going, Yusuke has real talent as a storyteller. Soon Steve is listening intently, nodding and snubing along.

She can understand a lot about a grumpy guy who likes fighting.] I get it! Fighting is fun! Especially if you're strong.

[When he talks about one crappy bullshit day after another, that's funny, too, because for a second he sounds a lot like her trainer. But that quickly leads to things she doesn't want to think about, so she just listens.

She especially likes the part about the fight with the ugly guy (though the idea of teeth having black eyes is disturbing). She pumps her little paw enthusiastically.

It's sad, though, to think that someone's mother wouldn't want them at home.

She perks up to hear about the kid, though she knows that the side of the road isn't a good place to play. You could get hit by somebody on a Ponyta.

And now the giggles are hardly muffled at all, when she sees the faces he makes. You've got a heck of a talent for that, Yusuke.

(It's that odd little noise that makes Blake's head turn. If you are paying close attention, you may notice that the sound of impacts on pads has stopped, and Blake's feet in the background have gone still. Steve is too absorbed in the story for it to register.)

Her paws go to her mouth in alarm.] Oh no!

Did the guy die?

[And as absorbed in telling the story as he is, Yusuke doesn't actually notice the sudden absence of background noise either. He's a little surprised by how much Steve seems to be enjoying listening to him - surprised, and also pretty pleased, which is probably why his answer to Steve's question regarding whether "the guy" died or not comes out sounding a lot more cheerful than it really ought to.]

Yep! Cracked his skull open on the concrete and died right on impact. In fact, it happened so fast the guy didn't even know what the hell was goin' on at first. He saw his body on the ground, saw all the people standing around and gawking at him like it was some kinda screwed up free show, saw the jerks in the ambulance pick him up and stuff him into the back of their ride, but it wasn't until he sat down and tried to focus on remembering everything that'd happened up until then that finally he was like, "holy shit, I'm a frickin' ghost."

That's when things got even weirder.

Out of nowhere, this girl riding an oar showed up, and at first, the guy was freaked out. Thought she was some kind of witch. 'Cause, y'know, that's really what his day needed, was a visit from a fucking witch. But then when he asked her who the hell she was, she told him...

[Yusuke pitches his voice up and puts on a goofy accent. It sounds vaguely British.]

"Oh, no one! Just the Grim Reaper!"

[Yusuke's voice goes back to normal. For the most part, anyway, because he continues to use the "Reaper voice" whenever necessary as he progresses through the story. ~~You're welcome, Botan.~~]

The guy wasn't buying it. He said, "the hell you are! Since when was the Grim Reaper a cute girl with thunderboobs and not a skeleton in big black robes?" And then she pulled a book out of her kimono and flipped through it and said, "Oh yeah, I thought you'd be kind of a dick! It says here in my stupid stalker book that you are, and also that you're loud and obnoxious and your grades suck! Golly gee, your life was pretty crappy, huh?" Because that's not creepy or bitchy at all. The guy got pissed off and told her off. Said to her, "hey, if you're gonna run your mouth so much, could you at least tell me something useful, like whether or not that kid's okay?" Then the Reaper asked him if he wanted to go see for himself, and they went to the hospital where the kid and his mom were.

The kid was fine. A little scraped up, but hell, compared to the guy, he was in great shape. Satisfied that the kid was okay, the guy told the Reaper he was ready to leave. "Take me to Hell or where ever else I'm supposed to go. I've got no regrets." And y'know what the Reaper did?

She laughed right in his frickin' face.

The guy felt like punching her out, but since she was kinda hot, he asked her what her problem was instead. "Oh, I'm not here to take you away from the living world," she said. "I'm here to give you a shot at getting your life back." See, apparently the people up in Spirit World, the place where people went after they kicked it, hadn't expected him to die that day, especially not by saving a kid 'cause he was such a scumbag. In fact, if the guy hadn't interfered, the kid woulda survived anyway. Basically, his death was a fluke. A fuckin' cosmic accident. So because he'd died unexpectedly after tryin' to do a decent thing for once in his life, Spirit World was offering him the chance to undergo this trial to be brought back to life.

The Reaper made it sound like it'd fix everything, but the guy knew better and didn't wanna do it. He said, "Y'know what? I kinda like being dead. Now my teachers won't have to nag me and my mom can get wasted whenever she wants, and I won't have to listen to any of 'em talk about what a pain in the ass I am. It's a win-win situation. You said it yourself that I was goin' nowhere fast, right?"

"Well, that's depressing as hell," said the Reaper. "How about you go to your wake and make your decision after that?"

The guy wasn't real convinced, but the Reaper buzzed off before he could argue, so he went ahead and went to his wake later that day. There was a bunch of people there. Way more people than he expected, most of 'em from his school. They were all talking and laughing, though, so he was like, "oh, great. These bastards probably all showed up just so they'd get extra credit and have somethin' to pat themselves on the back about later!" That was what he thought at first, but then, uh...

... then he saw there were people there who were actually pretty upset about him dying: the girl he'd known for forever, his mom, the principal of his school. Hell, even the ugly guy he'd beat the crap out of earlier that day was there, yelling about what a giant prick he was for leaving him with nobody to fight.

["Who am I gonna fight now? Who am I gonna fight?

You're supposed to be here... for me."

It's been a year - hell, a couple years, if you count the time he's spent in Johto - since that night, and Yusuke can still hear Kuwabara's words in his head, clear as day. It makes him think, for a second, about a more recent time when he'd had to listen to Kuwabara freak out about him dying. And then he quickly makes himself stop thinking about it, because he knows if he does, it'll put him in a weird mood, and right now, he's got shit to do.]

The little kid he'd saved was there, too. Didn't seem to realize what was goin' on, though, because after he and his mom paid their respects, he, uh -

[Yusuke lets out a rueful laugh.]

He asked his mom when the guy could hang out with him again. Said all the people at the wake musta been crying 'cause the guy was nice and they wanted to play with him too.

... It was right about then that the guy realized something. It wasn't that everybody around him thought he was a worthless pain in the ass and didn't want him around. He was just so busy bein' pissed off about all the people who did think that way that he never noticed the ones who didn't. Or he just didn't realize that some of the people who were always getting on his ass about stuff did it 'cause they gave a damn, like with his mom and his principal and the girl.

[Suddenly, Yusuke seems a touch distant.]

It was, uh...

It was a real eye opener.

[He's quiet for a moment. Then he shakes off whatever sort of melancholy it was that took hold of him and continues, coughing a bit.]

Anyway, after the wake was over, the Reaper came back and asked the guy if he'd made a decision about whether or not he wanted to do the trial. The guy thought about how sad the people he cared about were about his death, and then said, "Yeah. Sure. I'll do it."

So they went to Spirit World to meet King Enma, the god of the dead.

[Steve winces.] Oh no. That's a terrible way for it to end-

[~~Shortest, most depressing anime series ever~~ But fortunately, Yusuke keeps going.

And it's a good thing he does, because he really does have talent for it. His face is dynamic and animated, and- voices. He does voices.

Yusuke, you have won an ally in this little dog for life.]

I didn't know humans could be Ghost types too!

[She sighs out in relief.] It's good that the kid was okay. It would be awful if the guy couldn't even help.

But what's a Grim Reaper?

My trainer talks about people dying sometimes...it never sounded like something you could come back from, like fainting.

Sometimes he talks about Hell, too. He says it's not real, but it's where bad guys go. But this guy died trying to save a kid. That makes him a good guy.

[She looks concerned when he talks about the guy thinking no one cared that he was gone. Her arms gesture fiercely.]

Of course people would miss him! There's always people who care, even about people who are angry and cause trouble and get into fights a lot! Even if they've done things wrong, that doesn't mean they should go away forever!

[Her snubs have raised in volume by the end. When she stops, she scrubs her paw across her eyes, and takes a deep breath to pull herself together.]

What's the Spirit World?

You don't know who the Grim Reaper is?

[Yusuke looks and sounds surprised. Well. That's kinda strange. Then again, he is talking to a dog right now (albeit a pretty smart one), so maybe he shouldn't expect her to understand everything he's talking about. It probably doesn't help that nobody seems to die around here in the first place.]

Okay, basically, the Grim Reaper's kinda like the personification of death. When you die, the Grim Reaper comes to collect your soul and take you to the afterlife. He's usually depicted as this skeleton in black robes who carries a bigass scythe around, so, y'know, it's pretty understandable that the guy was surprised to find out that the Reaper's actually a girl with an annoying voice and a huge rack.

[Yusuke didn't expect Steve to get so fired up, but he waits until she's gotten it out of her system before he goes on. It would've been nice to have someone tell him something like that, he thinks. Back then, that is, before he ended up on the wrong end of somebody's bumper. Would've saved him a lot of grief.]

Like I said, the Spirit World's where you go after you die. And Enma's the one in charge of running the place, as well as the guy responsible for deciding whether you go to Hell or Heaven. He's kinda like the Grim Reaper in that you see him all the time in paintings and movies and video games and stuff, so when the Reaper took the guy to Spirit World to talk to him about the resurrection trial, he was expecting to meet this big, ugly, corrupt rat bastard with long pointy teeth and huge beady eyes who thinks just because he's got a lot of power that means he can screw over whoever he wants!

[Yusuke's tone of voice becomes progressively louder and more vehement the more he describes King Enma. By the time he's done, he looks irritated as hell. Does he have some, uh... strong feelings about Enma? You better believe he does. That guy has earned himself a permanent slot on Yusuke's shit list, which is a more difficult feat than one might expect.

That said, it does occur to him a second or two later than it really ought to've that he probably shouldn't be letting it get to him right now, and so he forces himself to calm down, proceeding a bit sheepishly afterwards.]

... but uh, that's not how it worked out. Instead, when the Reaper took him into King Enma's palace, he met this little kid. Like, this really, really little kid. Couldn't've been more than two years old, or so the guy thought, which was why he totally laughed his ass off when he found out that that was the person he was supposed to be meeting. I mean, c'mon, how the hell could the Spirit World be run by a toddler? The kid hadn't even stopped teething. 'Course, when he said that, the Reaper slapped the hell out of him, and then the kid said...

[Yusuke pinches his nose and pitches his voice up high again. Looks like the Reaper's not the only one getting a goofy voice. This one's just more nasal and annoying. ~~You're welcome, Koenma.~~]

"Actually, I'm the son of King Enma, and I'm about a gajillion years old, so WEEEH."

[Yusuke lowers his hand and gives the camera a dry look.]

Now, why in the hell it takes a gajillion years for somebody to graduate to a booster seat, I've got no frickin' clue, and neither did the guy, but before he could ask, the, uh...

[... what does he call Koenma. He can't keep saying "kid", because that was the little boy. "The Prince", maybe? It feels weird as hell to call him that, but for the sake of the story, he'll roll with it. It's not like Koenma's here to find this and give him shit for it.]

The Prince of the Spirit World said, "So you're here to ask about your trial, right? Well, here--"

"TAKE THIS EGG!"

And then he handed him a golden egg.

And then the guy was like, "what the hell."

[... okay, that isn't exactly how that conversation went. It's damn well close enough, though, if you ask Yusuke. He goes on.]

Turns out, the trial - or ordeal, or whatever you wanna call it - he was supposed to go through to come back to life involved hatching what's called a Spirit Beast - kinda like a Pokemon, except the form it takes is determined by what sorta energy you've got emitting from your soul. Sorta like a reflection of your inner self. The Prince of the Spirit World told him that it was a test of character - if he did good things and hatched a good beast, he'd pass the trial, and the beast'd guide him back to his body. If he kept bein' a stupid asshole and he hatched somethin' ugly and evil, then he'd fail the trial, and the beast'd eat him, soul and all, and he'd be lost forever.

So, y'know. No pressure, right?

[INSERT ONE DIRECTION LAUGH TRACK HERE... god, that deal was such bullshit. Why is half of everything related to Spirit World bullshit. This is the question that will plague Yusuke until the end of his days.]

Anyway, the guy wasn't exactly buying what the Prince was selling, but before he could think too much about it, he took the egg. Then he and the Reaper went back to the living world, and the Reaper was like, "Oh yeah, by the way, we should probably make sure your body doesn't get cremated. Can't return to your body if it's burnt to a crisp, can you, NYEHEHE."

[... Yusuke, Botan doesn't laugh like that and you know it. Geez.]

[Steve listens closely and nods along, calming as Yusuke continues, and beginning to get the picture.] I see. So when humans evolve to Ghost type, they're helped along by another Ghost type and a Scyther. But it was a girl ghost?

[Steve doesn't quite understand what she was carrying a rack of, but she doesn't want to interrupt the flow of the story.

The Enma concept is new to her. She's heard of "rat bastards," though. Ugly, beady eyes, corrupt, screws people over in trials-] Oh, I've heard of those! You mean a lawyer!

I didn't think they could be children, though...

[And he is doing more voices. Yusuke you have this little dog charmed to, well, hell and back.

Then her ears twitch right up.] An egg? That doesn't sound like a trial. Those are big formal things where you have to go give testimony sometimes and it's a pain in the ass.

[Her trainer talks about those sometimes. He says a lot tends to be bullshit and there's things called juries that are idiots or who assholes are always trying to intimidate.

She tilts her head, and nods to herself.] Hatching an egg sounds simpler.

But...one whose kind is chosen by how the trainer acts, not what its parents are? I've never heard of anything like that. Though, this guy already saved a little kid, so it's going to be a good beast. That's obvious.

Do you think there are eggs like that around here?

[Whatever the Grim Reaper's laugh may really sound like, Yusuke's impression wins another muffled snorting giggle. She's so involved that she's forgotten all about why she asked for a story in the first place, and all about the man behind her, who has let his fists fall and been listening for a while now. Who is now taking quiet steps closer.]

Then what happened?

[A... Scyther? What...

... oh, right. They don't have weapons here, either. Man, this place is weird. At any rate, Yusuke figures "a ghost with a Scyther" is as close to understanding the concept of the Grim Reaper as Steve's gonna get, all things considered, so rather than correct her, he just nods and tells her:]

Yeah, you got it. Sorta...

[Despite himself, Yusuke can't help but snort when she draws a comparison between Enma and a lawyer. He doesn't correct her there, either. Technically, Enma was supposed to be the judge of the dead, even though he relegated that particular duty to his son (because obviously being corrupt's not enough, he's gotta be corrupt and lazy), so that kind of did make him like a lawyer, right? Close enough to one, anyway.

The more she talks, the more Yusuke suspects she's just parroting Blake. Some of that stuff does, after all, sound like things Blake would say. Why the hell has Blake been telling his dog about juries and shit, though? The only thing Yusuke tells his Pokemon is to stop sleeping in his damn laundry.

As for her question about whether this world has anything like Spirit Beast eggs...]

Tch, there better not be. Those things are a pain in the ass. [There's a pause. Then Yusuke's eyes widen a little, and he quickly adds:] Or, uh, I'm guessin' they would be, anyway. Not that I'd know, of course, I mean-- pshhht, why would I? Heh heh...

[SMOOTH.]

[Yusuke doesn't miss the movement of Blake's feet in the background there. He's a little taken aback by it, too, considering he hadn't even noticed that Blake had stopped punching whatever it was he'd been punching in the first place. For Steve's sake, though, he doesn't comment on it. Instead, he continues on with the story like nothing's amiss, saying, as casually as ever:]

Well, obviously, the guy was like, "Dumbass, why the hell didn't you say anything sooner? My mom coulda already had me roasted and stuffed into an empty wine bottle by now! C'mon, let's go!" Then he realized that he didn't know how they were supposed to keep his body from being cremated. I mean, the living can't even see ghosts, so how were they gonna hear him when he told 'em not to stick his ass near any open flames?

The Reaper said, "Oh, living people are more sensitive to the supernatural when they're asleep, so if you want to communicate with them, all you've gotta do is stand at their bedsides and visit them in their dreams!" Because that's not creepy at all.

[Spirit World, man. Spirit World. What even.]

But anyway, after that, the guy and the Reaper left to find someone he could talk to. It was pretty late at night by then, but his mom was still up, drinking and yelling at his coffin.

[There's a strong note of chagrin in Yusuke's voice.]

It was pretty embarrassing. So since she wasn't gonna be useful anytime soon, the guy decided to visit his friend instead - the girl he'd known since they were kids. And when he got there, she was, uh...

... she was crying. In her sleep, I mean. I guess she was havin' a bad dream about the guy leaving her or something, which was kinda...

... I dunno. It was weird. Not, like, bad weird, just --

[Yusuke falters a little, looking awkward. Then, almost impatiently, he shakes his head, grimaces, and says:]

Look, the point is, she was upset, so when he visited her in her dream, he told her to wipe her face and listen up 'cause he had something important to tell her. He said, "It's hard to explain, but I'm coming back, so I need you to tell my mom not to have me cremated, okay? So pull yourself together and stop crying. I don't wanna see you cry anymore."

The girl said she understood. That she'd do it. The guy figured that'd be the end of it, but the next morning, when the girl visited the guy's mom, she found out that his mom had some stupid dream of her own, and since the dream had apparently brought his mom some comfort or whatever, she didn't wanna wreck it by telling her about her dream.

... The girl was that sort of person, y'see. Cared a lot about other people, even people who were a mess. Hell, for the longest time, she'd been the only person who bothered givin' the guy the time of day, even when everybody told her he wasn't worth it. I mean, yeah, she was a friggin' nag who was always gettin' on him about goin' to school, but at least she didn't just give up on him like everybody else did. She stuck by him, even when he was a jerk to her, and why she never told him to get lost or something...

... I dunno. I guess that just proves she's a way better person than most. [Yusuke huffs out a chuckle.] Too bad the guy was so stupid it took ending up on the wrong end of somebody's bumper for him to see it.

[Yusuke pauses, once again seeming... weirdly subdued for a moment.]

... aaanyway. Obviously, it was great that she was so nice and all, but the fact that she couldn't bring herself to tell the guy's mom what was up kinda meant the guy was screwed, especially 'cause now she was doubting whether or not the dream she'd had was real. So the guy said to the Reaper, "Hey, Reaper, is there any other way for me to talk to her? 'Cause this dream thing ain't cuttin' it." And the Reaper thought about it and said, "Well, you can try taking control of someone else's body! But on two conditions: they have to be someone you know, and they have to have a strong sixth-sense."

The guy was pissed off. He was like, "Great, in that case, I'm boned. Guess I've gotta get used to being a ghost."

But get this.

[Yusuke leans in closer to the screen, almost conspiratorially.]

It turns out that that ugly guy he was always gettin' into fights with - his rival, I guess you could call him, though you and I both know that they were nowhere close to bein' on the same level - could sense spirits. Called it "the tickle feeling", the stupid idiot.

[Yusuke leans away again.]

Crazy, right? When the guy found out, he was like, "Damn, and here I've just been callin' him a freak 'cause he looks like a rotten potato with eyes." Then he was like, "Forget it, I am not possessing that knucklehead's body! With my luck, I'll end up lookin' at my reflection in a window and dying again, or something."

Then the Reaper was like -- [AND HE QUOTES] -- "Here's my impression of you. 'Look at me, I'm burning!'"

[Yusuke gives the camera a withering look. One would be hard-pressed to find a lineface more intense than the one he's wearing right now.]

What a bitch, right? But she'd made her point, so the guy sucked it up and agreed to go ahead and possess his rival's body. The Reaper told him, "I'll give you one hour to find The Girl and tell her to take care of your body. Anything longer than that'll be too much for your rival's body to handle!"

"Yeah, okay," the guy said. And just like that, he possessed his rival's body, and began running all over the city looking for the girl.

[Sometimes, especially when they're holed up on the side of the road during bad weather, the rain or snow will drum on the tent and her trainer will talk. "Talking to yourself is for crazies, but nobody ever said anything about talking to any pink dogs." Sometimes he'll tell her all about fights he had, or bastards he caught, or about the ones who weaseled away. She doesn't always understand, but she likes listening.

The trainer who spread his hands and said And he didn't even have a fuckin' parakeet! before he burst out laughing is a different person from the stone-faced man who has not spoken in hours.

Yusuke is much better to listen to than his silence.

Steve cocks her head.] Do people get burned up and put in wine bottles a lot?

Oh, talking in people's dreams! I've heard psychic types can do that![She gestures toward the Musharna.] But mostly Mark just eats them.

[Her ears drop down as he continues.] His mom and his friend must have been very sad. Didn't they know he'd be a ghost and he'd be watching? It's not as though he was gone.

[She thinks for a while, looking down at her paws.] The girl sounds nice.

[She's actually not that surprised to hear that his rival has a hidden spiritual talent.] Did he ever even really talk to his rival before? Sometimes people are a lot more sensitive than you think. Even the loud ones.

Wow! He could just hop right in and run around? It would be so strange to be in someone else's body. It would all be shaped wrong.

[She pays no attention at all to the form that looms above her, breathing quietly, listening.]

[By now, Yusuke would've expected Blake to say something. "What the hell is this", "since when do you tell stories", some bitchy comment about how everything he's saying sounds like horseshit... you know. Something.

Instead, when he finally slows to a stop behind Steve, he just... stands there. Doesn't speak. Doesn't even stoop down to grab the camera or anything, which is what Yusuke was half-expecting him to do when he came close.

Yusuke's a little surprised by how much that unsettles him.

He's half-tempted to pretend like Blake isn't there. Let Steve go on thinking it's still just them and the weird floating thing (the same kind of weird floating thing that both Botan and Shaun have, he realizes belatedly - what's it called, a Musharna? Something like that). He almost goes ahead and does that, too. But there's something off about the old man, he can tell, and Steve looks so small compared to him, and dammit, maybe he's just being paranoid, but he really, really doesn't like how Blake's standing over her right now.

It takes a moment for him to respond to that last bit of pink text that flashes across his screen. When he does, he seems... a little distracted.]

Yeah, it was pretty weird... hey, Steve, can you give me a second?

[Yusuke gives her what he hopes is a reassuring smile. Then he addresses the legs behind her, his expression sobering.]

Hey, Blake.

You wanna sit down or something? You're kinda throwin' me off here.

[His choice of words is as blunt as ever, but for once, there's nothing incendiary about his tone of voice. In fact, he's actually making a concentrated effort not to sound too aggressive here - not for his own sake, because he can handle whatever Blake throws at him, but for Steve's, because as strange as Blake's acting right now...

... well. As much as Yusuke doesn't want to think Blake would take anything out on her, he's not gonna take any chances. If he was physically there with them and therefore in a better position to protect her if something happened, he probably wouldn't be so cautious, but as it is... yeah. He's not taking any risks. Not while Steve's part of the equation.]

[Steve's head whips around, and she yelps, caught redhanded. She scrambles away from her trainer's tread. The Musharna floats mutely, wide eyes unblinking.

Blake's face is far above the Gear screen. Sweat mats his hair to his brow, and his chest and shoulders move visibly with his breath.

The last line typed remains on the screen: It would all be shaped wrong.

His voice is heavy and cold.]

Finish the story.

[Shit. Yusuke's jaw tightens as he watches Steve scramble off-screen. The sound she makes is loud and sudden, and it startles him a little, but more than that, it ignites a spark of protective anger in his chest, which ultimately is what keeps him from flinching reflexively when she yelps. It's difficult for him to swallow down the sharp words that begin gathering at the tip of his tongue the second he sees how frightened Steve is, but he manages, somehow. He told himself he wouldn't start anything with Blake if it meant keeping Steve safe, and by God, he's sticking to his guns, no matter how pissed off he is that Blake is giving her reason to feel scared.

His expression is steady as he waits for Blake's response. He doesn't even blink. Again, he's prepared to be on the receiving end of some choice words, but when all Blake has to say is "finish the story"...

Well, it probably goes without saying that Yusuke is caught a little off-guard.

And you can see it on his face, too, just for a second. Then his expression closes up again, and after a moment, he tells Blake:]

I will.

But first, I need you to sit down, 'cause you look weird as hell from this angle. And call Steve back over here. I'm not finishing the story without her.

[Yusuke's voice is casual, but firm. It's clear he isn't going to budge on this. Once a stubborn asshole, always a stubborn asshole.]

[Her trainer wouldn't hurt her. She knows that. She just knows deep down, on a level as intrinsic to pokemon as to any other animal, that she doesn't want to be in his way right now.

Something about Blake doesn't look like himself. Doesn't sound like himself, either. Usually he keeps all the ugly right on the surface, but right now, the surface is glassy and calm.

The mats thud as he sits gracelessly. His muscles aren't so good at anything but the repeated motion of strike, strike, strike anymore.

He doesn't miss the second of a strange look on the kid's face. Deliberately, he ignores it.

He grates out] Steve. Come here.

[With small, cautious movements, Steve comes closer, to just within range of the screen.

Blake fixes his eyes on Yusuke.]

Finish. The story.

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