... you know, it's a good thing Yusuke already knows his experiences with death and the supernatural are weird as hell, because otherwise it would feel really, really strange to hear someone refer to them that way. Hell, it still is, a little bit. That said, it's... also kind of funny in a way, if only because Yusuke's now imagining the sort of look Blake would give him if he told him this wasn't just a story he'd made up.
The thought makes a wry grin spread across Yusuke's face. Now that'd be entertaining.]
Maybe. You're gonna have to let me finish it first.
[That's right - he still isn't done. Hey, he never said this was a short story, did he?]
See, the Prince of the Spirit World couldn't bring the guy back to life just like that. That'd be too easy. So, after the guy's mom had a few days to move into a new place, the Prince came to see the guy again and told him he'd be able to come back to life the next day. Obviously, the guy was all pumped up. He was like, "All right, so after today I'll have real fists and everything, awesome", 'cause seriously, you don't know how much you take being able to kick peoples' asses for granted until you've gone three weeks without it. But y'know, of course, the Prince had to rain on his friggin' parade just as he was really getting excited. He said...
[... oh, right, Koenma had a stupid voice too, didn't he. Crap. Yusuke doesn't know why, but somehow, the idea of doing his "Koenma voice" in front of Blake is more embarrassing than doing the "Botan voice" was.
After a second or two of stalling, though, Yusuke steels his resolve and decides to go through with it anyway. Steve might be disappointed if he doesn't. Besides, there's no way he's gonna let Blake cow him out of doing anything.]
He said, "Not so fast, stupid! There's just one problem."
[... okay, that wasn't as humiliating as he thought it'd be. Yusuke still looks a little sheepish afterwards, though. Dammit, if he'd known Blake was going to show up halfway through this thing...!
Sigh. Well, whatever. No use getting pissed off about it now, right? He's got a story to wrap up, after all.]
The Prince told him that the wavelengths between the energy of the guy's body and the energy of the guy's soul were lower than most peoples' were, which I guess was a problem 'cause if the two weren't aligned perfectly, the guy wouldn't be able to come back to life. Or, uh...
... something like that, I dunno.
[Yusuke shrugs. Koenma had never fully explained how the hell that was supposed to work; conversely, Yusuke had never bothered to ask. There are just some things he doesn't wanna waste time trying to understand. Algebra is one of them. Spirit World is another.]
The point is, the guy would have to do something about that if he wanted to come back to life the next day like the Prince said he would. So the guy was like, "Okay, tell me what I have to do, then."
The Prince said, "You've gotta get someone who gives a shit about you to let you borrow their life energy! And they've gotta transfer it through the lips!" So, like, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
[Or, you know, a "kiss of life", like in those old, girly western stories Keiko likes. Geez, no wonder this sounds like a fairy tale. It isn't usually guys who get revived that way, though...
It occurs to Yusuke a bit belatedly that Blake might be thinking the same thing - or worse, that he might be thinking that this is the sort of stuff Yusuke is into, dumb stories about people getting kissed back to life. That makes Yusuke's hackles raise. With a scowl, he snarls:]
Look, don't give me any crap, all right? I'm just tellin' you what happened. I didn't write this stuff.
[... WELL, HE ISN'T LYING...
At any rate, once Yusuke has duly attempted to save face, he (irritably) goes on.]
Anyway, the guy was pissed off. He was like, "What the hell, do I look like Sleeping Beauty? Screw you, preemie, I'm not doing shit!" And the Prince was like, "If you don't do it, it'll be fifty years before you get another chance to come back to life! You wanna be a ghost for that long, asshole, go right ahead!"
The guy didn't really want anybody putting their face on his, but he also didn't wanna stay dead for that long, either, especially not after everything that had happened. So he sucked it up and said he'd go through with it. The Prince told him he had to visit the dreams of the three people who wanted him back the most, but since those people were his mom, his rival, and the girl, he decided to just stick to visiting the girl's dream. His mom was too busy partying, and as for his rival...
[Yusuke folds his arms. His expression is firm.]
There was no way in hell he was gonna ask him to do mouth-to-mouth on him. He woulda rather stayed dead.
[... SAYS YUSUKE, AS IF HE TOTALLY DIDN'T VISIT KUWABARA'S DREAM AND SIMULATE A KISS WITH HIM. Look, if you think he's gonna admit to having done that, in any capacity, you're out of your mind. He doesn't care if this means the story isn't 100% accurate. Preserving his pride is his number one priority.]
So he visited the girl's dream, showed her what she was supposed to do, then went back home and waited to see if she'd come by. And she did. Thing is, though, she didn't actually, y'know...
[Yusuke waves a hand.]
... do the thing she was supposed to do.
[... well, that was vague. Look, he doesn't want to say she had to kiss him, all right? And he's not gonna, either. So there.
Seeming a little embarrassed, Yusuke quickly goes on.]
See, before the Prince fucked off the night before, he opened up the path between the guy's body and the Spirit World so that whoever showed up to give him some of their life energy could go ahead and do that. He told the guy that by the time morning came around, his body would be glowing. What he didn't tell him was that the glow'd start from his feet and gradually go up from there. So, thanks to the Prince being a dumbass, the guy assumed that he'd be glowing all over right away and told the girl to expect to see him like that when she came by, and since, y'know, that wasn't what she ended up seeing...
... I dunno, I guess she assumed that maybe it was just a weird dream and left without doing anything. So the guy was like, "Shit, all right. Guess I'll just wait for her to get out of school and hope she comes back later."
That was what he was gonna do, but while the girl was at school, the principal showed up in the middle of class and told her that her mom had passed out from the heat during work. So the girl went to the hospital to see her and told her dad that she wasn't gonna go anywhere 'til her mom was feeling better. Of course, that was right around the time when the Prince showed up to tell the guy that his body was finally all lit up and ready to receive the life energy.
The guy knew the girl wasn't gonna leave her mom, especially not over some stupid dream, so he got real desperate. He tried to contact his mom, but since she wasn't spiritually aware or anything, and was so wasted she wouldn't have paid attention even if she could sense spirits, it didn't work. Then he tried to bark up his rival's ass about it, 'cause, y'know... like I said, he was desperate...
[#NO HOMO]
... but his rival assumed he was some other kinda ghost, and ran away screaming, like this -
[Yusuke sucks in a breath, waves his arms around, and goes:]
"AAAHHH."
[... was that Yusuke's attempt at imitating Kuwabara's voice? You bet your ass it was. He sounds like a freaked out chain smoker.
Naturally, Yusuke looks very pleased with himself after that particular performance.]
What a wimp, right? The guy was like, "Dammit, how the hell can one person be this useless? I'll bet if we wanted to figure out his IQ, we'd have to go digging for it."
But anyway, by the time the guy got done trying to talk to his rival, it was already around 11:45 at night, and he only had until around midnight to receive the life energy. He'd run out of ideas on what to do, but the Reaper hadn't. She said, "Wait here", and went to the hospital, where she took over the girl's mom's sleeping body and told her to come save the guy.
[... or at least, that's what Botan said she'd done, anyway. Yusuke hadn't actually been there to see it. He's kind of glad for it, too. That would've been weird.]
It took a while for the girl to show up, but eventually, the guy saw her running towards his apartment building. The Reaper came back, too, and all three of 'em - the guy, the Reaper, and the Prince - hung back and watched her head inside.
It was two minutes before midnight when she finally made it to his place. The elevator there was a piece of junk, so she'd had to run up a whole bunch of stairs to get there. She carried too much crap in her bag, so she had to dig around for her keys.
There was one minute left when she finally found 'em. As she ripped the door open and ran over to the guy's body, the guy's ghost followed her, and then...
[Yusuke pauses for dramatic effect.]
... the clock hit midnight. Next thing the guy knew, he was opening his eyes and lookin' up at his ceiling.
Everything felt weird. Like... heavy. Kinda like he was underwater, or like he had weights attached to him, or somethin'. But he wasn't. And he didn't. He was fine.
He was alive.
[Another pause. Then Yusuke lets out a long breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding, and says, in a light, nonchalant voice:]
... so, uh, yeah! That's it. The guy was alive, and from that point on, things didn't suck as much. The end.
[It feels a little abrupt, ending it there. Yusuke doesn't know if it's because it actually is an abrupt ending, or if it's because he knows the story doesn't actually end there. Either way, there's no way he's going to take the time to tell them everything that happened after that. Yusuke does kind of want to get to sleep eventually, after all.]
1/2
... you know, it's a good thing Yusuke already knows his experiences with death and the supernatural are weird as hell, because otherwise it would feel really, really strange to hear someone refer to them that way. Hell, it still is, a little bit. That said, it's... also kind of funny in a way, if only because Yusuke's now imagining the sort of look Blake would give him if he told him this wasn't just a story he'd made up.
The thought makes a wry grin spread across Yusuke's face. Now that'd be entertaining.]
Maybe. You're gonna have to let me finish it first.
[That's right - he still isn't done. Hey, he never said this was a short story, did he?]
See, the Prince of the Spirit World couldn't bring the guy back to life just like that. That'd be too easy. So, after the guy's mom had a few days to move into a new place, the Prince came to see the guy again and told him he'd be able to come back to life the next day. Obviously, the guy was all pumped up. He was like, "All right, so after today I'll have real fists and everything, awesome", 'cause seriously, you don't know how much you take being able to kick peoples' asses for granted until you've gone three weeks without it. But y'know, of course, the Prince had to rain on his friggin' parade just as he was really getting excited. He said...
[... oh, right, Koenma had a stupid voice too, didn't he. Crap. Yusuke doesn't know why, but somehow, the idea of doing his "Koenma voice" in front of Blake is more embarrassing than doing the "Botan voice" was.
After a second or two of stalling, though, Yusuke steels his resolve and decides to go through with it anyway. Steve might be disappointed if he doesn't. Besides, there's no way he's gonna let Blake cow him out of doing anything.]
He said, "Not so fast, stupid! There's just one problem."
[... okay, that wasn't as humiliating as he thought it'd be. Yusuke still looks a little sheepish afterwards, though. Dammit, if he'd known Blake was going to show up halfway through this thing...!
Sigh. Well, whatever. No use getting pissed off about it now, right? He's got a story to wrap up, after all.]
The Prince told him that the wavelengths between the energy of the guy's body and the energy of the guy's soul were lower than most peoples' were, which I guess was a problem 'cause if the two weren't aligned perfectly, the guy wouldn't be able to come back to life. Or, uh...
... something like that, I dunno.
[Yusuke shrugs. Koenma had never fully explained how the hell that was supposed to work; conversely, Yusuke had never bothered to ask. There are just some things he doesn't wanna waste time trying to understand. Algebra is one of them. Spirit World is another.]
The point is, the guy would have to do something about that if he wanted to come back to life the next day like the Prince said he would. So the guy was like, "Okay, tell me what I have to do, then."
The Prince said, "You've gotta get someone who gives a shit about you to let you borrow their life energy! And they've gotta transfer it through the lips!" So, like, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
[Or, you know, a "kiss of life", like in those old, girly western stories Keiko likes. Geez, no wonder this sounds like a fairy tale. It isn't usually guys who get revived that way, though...
It occurs to Yusuke a bit belatedly that Blake might be thinking the same thing - or worse, that he might be thinking that this is the sort of stuff Yusuke is into, dumb stories about people getting kissed back to life. That makes Yusuke's hackles raise. With a scowl, he snarls:]
Look, don't give me any crap, all right? I'm just tellin' you what happened. I didn't write this stuff.
[... WELL, HE ISN'T LYING...
At any rate, once Yusuke has duly attempted to save face, he (irritably) goes on.]
Anyway, the guy was pissed off. He was like, "What the hell, do I look like Sleeping Beauty? Screw you, preemie, I'm not doing shit!" And the Prince was like, "If you don't do it, it'll be fifty years before you get another chance to come back to life! You wanna be a ghost for that long, asshole, go right ahead!"
The guy didn't really want anybody putting their face on his, but he also didn't wanna stay dead for that long, either, especially not after everything that had happened. So he sucked it up and said he'd go through with it. The Prince told him he had to visit the dreams of the three people who wanted him back the most, but since those people were his mom, his rival, and the girl, he decided to just stick to visiting the girl's dream. His mom was too busy partying, and as for his rival...
[Yusuke folds his arms. His expression is firm.]
There was no way in hell he was gonna ask him to do mouth-to-mouth on him. He woulda rather stayed dead.
[... SAYS YUSUKE, AS IF HE TOTALLY DIDN'T VISIT KUWABARA'S DREAM AND SIMULATE A KISS WITH HIM. Look, if you think he's gonna admit to having done that, in any capacity, you're out of your mind. He doesn't care if this means the story isn't 100% accurate. Preserving his pride is his number one priority.]
So he visited the girl's dream, showed her what she was supposed to do, then went back home and waited to see if she'd come by. And she did. Thing is, though, she didn't actually, y'know...
[Yusuke waves a hand.]
... do the thing she was supposed to do.
[... well, that was vague. Look, he doesn't want to say she had to kiss him, all right? And he's not gonna, either. So there.
Seeming a little embarrassed, Yusuke quickly goes on.]
See, before the Prince fucked off the night before, he opened up the path between the guy's body and the Spirit World so that whoever showed up to give him some of their life energy could go ahead and do that. He told the guy that by the time morning came around, his body would be glowing. What he didn't tell him was that the glow'd start from his feet and gradually go up from there. So, thanks to the Prince being a dumbass, the guy assumed that he'd be glowing all over right away and told the girl to expect to see him like that when she came by, and since, y'know, that wasn't what she ended up seeing...
... I dunno, I guess she assumed that maybe it was just a weird dream and left without doing anything. So the guy was like, "Shit, all right. Guess I'll just wait for her to get out of school and hope she comes back later."
That was what he was gonna do, but while the girl was at school, the principal showed up in the middle of class and told her that her mom had passed out from the heat during work. So the girl went to the hospital to see her and told her dad that she wasn't gonna go anywhere 'til her mom was feeling better. Of course, that was right around the time when the Prince showed up to tell the guy that his body was finally all lit up and ready to receive the life energy.
The guy knew the girl wasn't gonna leave her mom, especially not over some stupid dream, so he got real desperate. He tried to contact his mom, but since she wasn't spiritually aware or anything, and was so wasted she wouldn't have paid attention even if she could sense spirits, it didn't work. Then he tried to bark up his rival's ass about it, 'cause, y'know... like I said, he was desperate...
[#NO HOMO]
... but his rival assumed he was some other kinda ghost, and ran away screaming, like this -
[Yusuke sucks in a breath, waves his arms around, and goes:]
"AAAHHH."
[... was that Yusuke's attempt at imitating Kuwabara's voice? You bet your ass it was. He sounds like a freaked out chain smoker.
Naturally, Yusuke looks very pleased with himself after that particular performance.]
What a wimp, right? The guy was like, "Dammit, how the hell can one person be this useless? I'll bet if we wanted to figure out his IQ, we'd have to go digging for it."
But anyway, by the time the guy got done trying to talk to his rival, it was already around 11:45 at night, and he only had until around midnight to receive the life energy. He'd run out of ideas on what to do, but the Reaper hadn't. She said, "Wait here", and went to the hospital, where she took over the girl's mom's sleeping body and told her to come save the guy.
[... or at least, that's what Botan said she'd done, anyway. Yusuke hadn't actually been there to see it. He's kind of glad for it, too. That would've been weird.]
It took a while for the girl to show up, but eventually, the guy saw her running towards his apartment building. The Reaper came back, too, and all three of 'em - the guy, the Reaper, and the Prince - hung back and watched her head inside.
It was two minutes before midnight when she finally made it to his place. The elevator there was a piece of junk, so she'd had to run up a whole bunch of stairs to get there. She carried too much crap in her bag, so she had to dig around for her keys.
There was one minute left when she finally found 'em. As she ripped the door open and ran over to the guy's body, the guy's ghost followed her, and then...
[Yusuke pauses for dramatic effect.]
... the clock hit midnight. Next thing the guy knew, he was opening his eyes and lookin' up at his ceiling.
Everything felt weird. Like... heavy. Kinda like he was underwater, or like he had weights attached to him, or somethin'. But he wasn't. And he didn't. He was fine.
He was alive.
[Another pause. Then Yusuke lets out a long breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding, and says, in a light, nonchalant voice:]
... so, uh, yeah! That's it. The guy was alive, and from that point on, things didn't suck as much. The end.
[It feels a little abrupt, ending it there. Yusuke doesn't know if it's because it actually is an abrupt ending, or if it's because he knows the story doesn't actually end there. Either way, there's no way he's going to take the time to tell them everything that happened after that. Yusuke does kind of want to get to sleep eventually, after all.]