Lt. Carter Blake (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lieutenantantichrist) wrote2013-08-25 03:57 am
lieutenantantichrist) wrote2013-08-25 03:57 am
[9] Video/Action for near Goldenrod - "Who are we doing it versus?"
[The video comes up on Blake on the outskirts of Route 35. There's a beat-up Chikorita sitting on a fencepost, letting out small distressed noises and looking nauseous. Blake's got the Gear set up on the next post over, and he's spraying the pokemon with an Antidote with one hand while he holds the guidebook open with the other. He's muttering to himself and squinting at the book in the fading light as the sun sets.]
Fire does extra damage to grass, that makes sense, grass burns easy. Grass does extra to ground, plants...grow from the ground. Electric does less damage to grass-- doesn't lightning hit trees a lot? Ahh, whatever. Here it is.
[He drops the empty Antidote bottle and jabs his finger at the book.]
Poison does double to plants. How's that supposed to make sense? You can't cyanide somebody's geraniums!
[He throws his hands up. Behind him, the Chikorita gets up and shakes itself off.]
And the rest of these- bugs beat psychics? Ice beats birds? Fighting beats rocks? How do the rest of you remember all this crap?
Fire does extra damage to grass, that makes sense, grass burns easy. Grass does extra to ground, plants...grow from the ground. Electric does less damage to grass-- doesn't lightning hit trees a lot? Ahh, whatever. Here it is.
[He drops the empty Antidote bottle and jabs his finger at the book.]
Poison does double to plants. How's that supposed to make sense? You can't cyanide somebody's geraniums!
[He throws his hands up. Behind him, the Chikorita gets up and shakes itself off.]
And the rest of these- bugs beat psychics? Ice beats birds? Fighting beats rocks? How do the rest of you remember all this crap?
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Unless poison is like the corruption that using black mana sometimes makes. Plants are the first things to die then.
Ice beating birds doesn't make sense though. And anything beats rocks if it can hit hard enough.
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Black corruption what now?
[It would fit for a punk to be weirdly racist.]
I can't say I've ever tries throwing ice cubes at pigeons. Never seemed like it would come up. Rocks, that's another thing. I can't remember what works on them and what doesn't for shit.
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Some people who use black mana for magic use it to make this corruption that weakens everything in the area and kills anything that's already weak.
You just need to hit a rock hard enough and it will break. Or if you want to take a while just let plants grow through the cracks and break it apart.
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I hate to break it to you, but there's no such thing as magic.
You want to go around headbutting rocks, be my guest. Maybe a plant'll win if you have a couple months to wait.
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[There's a sneer in Blake's voice.]
Show me. Go ahead. Pull a rabbit out of your hat.
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[Great, now he's going to need to admit things, isn't he? Well, it's not like him not being able to use magic here is his fault.]
I've never learned how to summon a rabbit, but if I did I wouldn't summon it in a hat. Why would anyone summon anything in a hat? [Seriously, what kind of stupid idea is that?]
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Because that's how it works. Haven't you ever seen Rocky and Bullwinkle?
Do something else then, if you're magic.
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My magic summons animals, makes them stronger, faster, and tougher, and sends them to attack enemies. And I can go to other worlds. Something in this world is blocking my mana bonds and keeping me from using magic or leaving though. When I find whatever's getting in my way and beat it I'll make sure to show you my magic!
[Positive spin!
Also I now know what he'll be doing for the next 4th wall.]
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[He nods along.] So you do pull rabbits out of somewhere.
Everybody always has some reason it won't work. The stars are out of line, the moon's not full, you're not a true believer. Pretty convenient how these things only work when you're not looking.
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[He's getting annoyed at your tone, old man.]
Why would magic only work when you're not looking? That wouldn't be convenient, that would be useless! I've never tried to draw mana from another world before, so maybe there's something different I have to figure out how to do. This world's land is weird though. I've tried to draw mana from all the land I've seen so far and nothing's happened.
I'll figure out what's wrong eventually!
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[He's annoyed at your face, little punk.]
[very, very patiently] Because magic is bullshit.
[he waves his hand] Like all that crap you just said. What's that supposed to mean?
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That's how magic works, gob-head! Different kinds of land have different kinds of mana in them, and you draw that mana from the land and use it to cast spells. Just because you're too stupid to know about it doesn't mean you can pretend it doesn't exist! Even goblins aren't that dumb!
[Oooh, sick burn~! ...If Blake had any reference point for the intelligence of what are to him mythological creatures.]
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[Okay, gob-head, that's one he hasn't heard before. He can take a wild guess about the general meaning. Some of the other stuff sounds just familiar enough that he can slot it into a good old-fashioned stereotype.]
Oh, I get it. You're one of those teenagers who sits around in the woods with crystals trying to get magic from mother earth until you get bored and go for the magic mushrooms instead.
[He's annoyed at the insult for a different reason than the punk probably intended] There's no such thing as goblins!
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[What, the crappy comeback game? Because it looks like that's what Domri's starting.]
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Hey, I've accepted that these [he jerks his thumb at the Chikorita] things exist. What else do you want?